help. i need someone to talk to right now.
no i'm not depressed but i'm breaking down under stress.
i feel so helpless. i want to continue doing work but i'm just too tired, so what should i do? continue or take a rest and submit my work late?

why is there no one online currently that i can turn to?

i'm in a bad bad mood these days.
the workload's driving me nuts and it's not time for the bloody exams yet.

and so given my very bad mood, i check back to my blog and see that many people doesn't seem to have understood the meaning of a question mark. oh and in case you ignorant people don't know what's a question mark, it's this damn symbol here in bold: ?

and i can't help but have to comment that sometimes even my closest friends irritate me. they either are selfish, impatient and demanding.
why do they have the right to expect me to reply swiftly in msn when they myself takes a bloody 1/2 hr sometimes to do so. (and hello, are you stupid or what? don't you understand BUSY mode?) unfair.
why do i have to listen to them yakking about something when half the time no one bothers to listen to me yakking? unfair.

many people may not know but i'm one hell of a introvert. i choose not to speak out regarding my innermost thoughts and feelings. why? because i'm afraid to hurt people and to lose them in the process. but in the end, seems like i bear most of the brunt of my own actions.

i should learn to be a selfish brat.
instead of being that dormant volcano that has a danger of erupting anytime.

eventful weekend. i hope it stays like this.

dyed my hair with chin on fri night. the DIY type.
we chose a rather weird colour aptly named "coral pink" but alas, i see no trace of pink on our hair.
and i so have to complain about my stubborn hair that just refuses to absorb much dye... so the dye job didn't make much of a difference. to me. though chin and mum said otherwise.

sat was rather boring. was supposed to go for the adidas post season sale at 10am and as usual, couldn't wake up. =P
only thing worth mentioning was that i had to make a damn important decision in about 5 minutes and given my hesitant nature, that was hard.
but anyway i accomplished that and so i'll be going to suzhou, hangzhou and shanghai for 8 days with my family.
am rather looking forward to the shopping, scenery and xiaolongbao.

so chin, jane and me finally trodded down to expo for the adidas sale. i woke up late again haha but luckily dearie chin was there on time to queue. was slightly disappointed because most of the hot items either ran out of stock or were out of sizes. can't help but keep bitching about how we should have gone down yesterday.
and i finally borrowed novels!
was seriously suffering from a major bout of Lack-of-a-Good-Read Syndrome(LGRS).

my to-read list
The Time Traveller's Wife by Audrey Niffengger
The Secret Life of Bees by Sue Monk Kidd
Sushi for Beginners by Marian Keyes
What Looks Like Crazy On An Ordinary Day by Pearl Cleage

i so badly want to pick up Mitch Albom, Dan Brown and Sophie Kinsella.
probably after the exams cos i highly doubt i can keep a clean fines record after borrowing so many books on impulse.
and the new central library just 1 street down from my house's gonna be open real soon. jealous? haha.

anyway i'm kinda amazed by myself regarding my web surfing habits.
i can either be on a surfing craze whereby i can google for hours continously or days whereby i just can't find anything interesting to google about. or even webpages to visit.
and my topics are usually quite crazy. they deviate a lot!
an example:

got interested in the song again after hearing the channel u trailer.
googled fly me to the moon
results a whole list of midis
got interested in good luck drama
googled good luck drama
results chanced upon an extensive j-dorama site
got interested in long vacation, my fave j-dorama
googled long vacation
results a long string of fond kimutaku moments
got interested in kimutaku
googled kimutaku
results tons of sites that led one to another. spent hours browsing and increasing my kimutaku knowledge
suddenly remembered a famous japanese baseball player mentioned during HY2247 lecture
googled ichiro
results string of links i got lazy to check

i'm crazy sometimes. chin sometimes asks me "hey joyce what do you do online? i'm bored." and i just reply "find something to do" and she'll go "i dunno what to do!"
so guys, learn from me man. i discover good stuff like that and like this, you'll never feel bored. BUT be prepared for dark rings.

i just hate it when weekends arrive and pass on so quickly. so transient, the moments of enjoyment. and i hate it when i actually have to do work during these times but i conveniently squeeze them all out of my head because it inteferes with my slacking schedule.

on a side note:

am i being very petty?
remember the rather ambiguous post(for those who aren't involved) about me getting really angry and disappointed about friendship?
both of them actually apologized but i didn't accept it. plus i'm rather cold too.
am i being really mean?

AND

do i really look like i'm english-speaking? those i haven't bugged, tell me based on the first impression ok? it's my current burning question.

maybe i'm slow.
just recently noticed that there are so many people who wear yellow, white, blue or whatever colour wrist bands.

after sparking off my curiousity, a small discussion with jun and an online search led me to discover the LiveStrong wrist bands.

i didn't know a simple yellow wrist band imprinted with the word 'livestrong' holds so much symbolic meaning.
every band costs $1 and the money goes to the Lance Armstrong Foundation to help the people around the world who are living with cancer.

Lance Armstrong is truly someone i look up to.
Read about him here

it's sad that such a sincere effort is being cashed in by various industries.
because many celebrities are seen wearing it, it's become a huge fashion statement.
you can find counterfeit bands selling all over- on e-bay, US shopping malls and streets.
nothing bad about the popularity since it promotes more sales of the bands.
but not all of the bands are authentic(they even come in many colours) and the proceeds do not go back to the foundation.

so don't buy from those greedy people. choose wisely who you buy from. only the yellow ones are real.

phew.

yesterday i couldn't connect to the internet at all.
even the helpline assistant had to give up and contact the IT department.

i dunno what's the problem still.
i just know i can't live without the internet.

new layout!
featuring my fave couple of the moment: howl and sophie.

ooh. this is one of my most fave layouts.
and probably the one i spent the most time on.

yay. i love it so much :)

Yesterday's gathering couldn't be counted as a gathering at all.

I was having high hopes about it because the turnout seemed pretty good.
Then things went downhill when some of them didn't turn up and only cared to notify us at the very last minute. So we're left with 2 extra tickets with only 5 minutes left to sell them off. Luckily szeman, the glib marketeer, charmed a couple.

Howl's Moving Castle was great.
It's really an aquired taste, the more you watch, the more you understand.

Anyway bad luck seems to befall me a lot this year.
First, dengue. Then the locked out of the lab. Last sunday's split in the pants.
And yesterday I almost lost my wallet.
Yeah stupid me accidentally dropped my wallet in the cinema but thank my lucky stars and all the rest who stayed with me till 150am to redeem it back.


Actually I'm still quite sour over yesterday's incident.
Call me petty or watever, I just can't bring myself to forgive them yet.
Even when one of them messaged me to say sorry, I didn't reply.
But one thing's certainly official, I'm gonna wash my hands off it.
I shall not allow the habit to continue.

I'm a happy girl.

1. it's the weekend!
2. finished my history midterm essay
3. response for 208 outing was good :) meeting up and watching howl again.
4. retail therapy again~
5. jane and chin going anime@acm with me

sorry for that scary post. couldn't control my outburst.
anyway if you're wondering what's anime@acm, check this link out!
It's really cool plus they're screening good animes for free.
Don't call yourself an anime lover if you don't go for it.

was looking through the tagboard the other day and i realised that the only people who tagged, and possibly the only ones who visit my blog are:

the regulars: chin, jane, meijun and karmene
frequent: joann
once a blue moon: alex, qing, rach, serene

so we're like dumb asses that tag in each other's board, assuming having a separate conversation altogether.
what i'm puzzled about are the stats. since so little people know about the existence of my blog, how come some days the hits can reach 20+? i don't think you guys are so boliao to keep checking back right?

so who's coming here then? O_o
i don't want my secret treasure trove to be discovered.

I'm currently very pissed off.
This has happened before and I thought I was used to it, nevertheless I'm still really irritated by it.

I do not believe you can ever lose contact with your close friends. Unless by any unfortunate circumstances whereby someone dies or migarates abroad, as long as that person is well alive and kicking, you can never lose contact.
So I cannot understand why people tell me "Oh, we haven't met up for so long! I feel that our friendship has drifted." What bullshit is that?

You make friends by choice. Fate plays a part but whether you want to accept them into your social circle is another matter altogether.
So whoever remains in your social circle is also by choice. Whether you care enough to want to remain in contact.

Having said that, I have to say I'm really tired of trying to be the 'glue'.
Yeah don't give me crap like "Oh I'm so happy that we're meeting up." making me happy and all, and in the end tell me last minute you're really busy.
And those that complain about not meeting up enough is worse. If you even have the time and mentality to complain, get your lazy ass off and do something about it.
You don't have to be the organiser or leader type of person to organise something. Just initiating something means you bother to.

And for your information, I'm not someone who loves to plan gatherings and stuff. I'd love to sit back and wait for people to ask. It's so simple isn't it, to be a lazy ass. But precisely because no one else would take the initiative to ask, I have to do the honours.
Ok fair enough. BUT I get unappreciative people that doesn't reply or don't even bother to inform me about last minute changes.
Yeah do you think it's easy to do it? Why don't you do the dirty job then?
I find myself such a nagger messaging people time and time again for the replies. Do I have to push myself to such a sorry state? I can just sit and wait and eventually let this friendship go stagnant. But I choose not to. Ain't I a fool or what huh?

I'm really tired.
I'm gonna wash my hands off this for the time being.
I have more important things to do.

I'm constantly unable to focus on school work.

When I have the teeny weeny amount of free time, I either:
Sleep
Watch TV
Surf for crappy stuff
Read a book
Doodle

In a nutshell, just as long as it's not school work.
I'm breaking my promises to myself and my parents.


Distractions aside, recently, I've been feeling the need for love.
Maybe it's because I watch too much coupley lovey-dovey shows especially Channel 8's "You are the One".
Sometimes don't you think having someone liking and caring for you is so great? You don't have to necessarily like that person too.
Like Rui En's character Meide who has Simon putting in so much and waiting for her at home while she's out with Zhengxi the one she loves.
But she doesn't deserve all that love she gets. Poor Meili gets none. I hope I don't end up like Meili too. *cringes at the thought of going for countless matchmaking sessions*
Or to have someone saying "I've finally found someone I want to protect. That is YOU." *melts*

Where have all my strong single woman ideals gone to?
Maybe women really need a strong shoulder to lean on afterall.
I don't know! O_o

Meant to update after Nightmare Thursday and Hectic Friday.
Alas, I tumbled right into bed after I came home.

And it was yet another Shopping Saturday this week. All Chin's fault!
Yesterday was Blading and Unlucky Sunday.
Now whenever people were to ask me to name my most embarassing moment, I finally can name one. And yes, it happened yesterday.
The deal: Sneak a look at a doggie strolling along ECP and BOOM! down I slide. Not just that since I fall like a thousand times before already. I made a super duper split in my shorts, so huge it can even be separated into two separate pieces if I were to dislodge the remaining fragile stitches hanging. OMG. Luckily Chin lives opposite and she saved me by lending me her old shorts. Or else I can't imagine myself having to keep up with walking around self consciously with my humongous pouch hanging permanently behind me(to cover the hole) and that disgustingly airy feeling. It didn't help that it was a Sunday.

Today's Swimming Monday.
Am pretty amazed I could do continuous 12 laps.
My aim would be to up my usual routine of 20 to 25 laps. And make that twice a week.

After that, mum and I went for this real funny makeover @ Seiyu Bugis.
Basically just purchase $45 worth of Boujour Paris products and you're entitled to a free makeover. It was so paiseh to sit there while pairs of eyes stare. And it was so hard to pose for that perfect shot. Plus I look horrible.


Anyway I've just caught another Ghibli production and I love it!

This one made me cry and left me with a lot of emotions.
Princess Mononoke, IMO, is much better than HMC in terms of plot. This is probably Miyazaki's most personal movie.
Seeing the way how humans destroy nature left me in tears. But somehow you wouldn't hate the villians because the line between good and bad is so ambivalent.

One quote from the movie impacted me a lot.
"Humans are always selfish."
Yes I agree. Whatever we do, we always think about ourselves first.
This had made me come to realise that actually all talk about conservation is actually a well-intended act. And the catch is it will save us.
We're just probably worried that when the Earth collaspses, mankind will die. It's just a facade afterall and I feel disgusted even with myself because I can never change the fact that I'm a human.

Busy week.
And many more busy weeks ahead.
I guess there's no more rest until the end of exams.

Actually this isn't that bad.
Come to think of it, the holidays and breaks break my tempo and I once again turn into the lethargic slacker reminiscent of the previous semester's me.

I MUST:
1) not be distracted
2) study harder to achieve better CAP
3) excercise regularly
4) not spend so much money
5) not be tempted to eat so much

Speaking of distractions, they always pop up whenever I have some important test coming up. Or should I say I choose to let them pop up?
Aside the regular Jay, I'm now suffering from a full blown craze over Studio Ghibli animations especially Howl's Moving Castle.


Howl's Moving Castle

The fact that it was so abstract and yet I have absolutely no one to discuss those burning questions with rages my obsession further.
So people, do me a favour and yourselves too by catching this absolutely wonderful movie. It certainly beats most of Disney's animations even though this wasn't Miyazaki at his best. If you don't trust yourself at least trust me!

Will be back with more Howl goodies. :)