i'm so tired of studying.
the feeling where you felt like you've just overcome a major hurdle and superbly relieved. then you realise in fact, there's so much more ahead and the sinking feeling reemerges.

that's the NUS system.
you simply have to plod plod plod all through the semester and the real end is only when the final exams are all over.
i'd have to salute the muggers who can keep up with this system.

two.
just that number of papers and days to endure.

i'm trying real hard right now to regain my momentum.
firstly, i'm mentally and physically worn out.
secondly, i'm very distracted.

about what... hmmm maybe chin would know.
i just feel really silly but can't help myself.
and the reason why there's no progress is because i myself refused to step out of my comfort zone. so each and every time, i can only stand afar and look. while hoping for something to happen.

sighs i'm such a failure.
i have the gut feeling that this time it'll end up with the same results as it did with the previous instances.
all because i refused to do anything more.

that aside, i'm super darn excited about the taiwan trip.
though the weather's quite a bummer but when i think of the food, shopping, hot springs and that fact that i'll be finally visiting jay chou's hometown, everything's so worth it. (even though it means relegating my bank account status back to the single digit state T_T)
and it'll be my first ever friends-only trip. yay!

my prior experience tells me that holidays is the time when you're in high risk of being reduced to bankrupt status. (applies exclusively to me)
i better start hunting for a job real soon.

now it's back to studies and more studies.

NEW LAYOUT!

jane knows me too well. and she's so damn right.
not too surprised by myself doing frivalous things at this crucial period.
if i were to seriously sit down and mug, then something's really wrong with me.
gah, a leopard never changes its spots. same applies to lazy slackers.

i know it's too pink.
hope no one gets zoned out by the pink-ness.

just wanna express my love for ouran at this moment.
i seriously luuurve that show sooooo much. <3 <3 <3
it's like a godsend gift to get me roaring in laughter at this stressful time.

everyone, go watch OURAN HIGH SCHOOL now!
(tip: go to youtube and search for "ouran")

"Does it hurt more
not knowing what you want,

or does it hurt more
knowing what you want and yet can't achieve it?"

a quote i recycled from my older entry.
which one do you think hurts more?

i know i never cease to talk about that topic time and time again.
but that quote really does strike a chord with me.

i think i belong to both categories.
archaelogy's being my love and what i really want to do.
but i can't achieve it, or more like i'm beyond reach.

leading to this situation of being directionless.
if someone asked me this question, "why are you studying life sciences?"
i don't think i'll be able to give an answer.
truth is i just jumped on the bandwagon and half convinced myself that i love biology.

people say that if you believe, it'll come true.
i want to believe but the conviction's not there.
maybe i'm too cynical. maybe too idealistic. i don't know.

------------------------------------

dropping that moody issue, chin was commenting how funny our past entries were. we were reading each other's entries dating back to 2 years and surprised at how childish we sounded.

kinda miss the days when we'll blog about nothing in particular.
like how we are exhilarated at the new naruto manga release, whining about being bored at home, grumbling about our shopping expenditure etc.
now most of our blog contents comprise of school school and more school.
seems like there's nothing else constructive to say. =(

and in 2 years, so many things have changed.
i wonder how much i have changed.


anyway sorry x 1000 to chin for "flying kite".
hontoni gomenasai.

tsk tsk.
birds of the same feathers really flock together huh.
like jun, i'm guilty of updating my blog more frequently during exams.
likewise for chin and zhuang. we're really best buddies =)

last day of school.
*takes a minute to heave a huge sigh of relief*
today's tests were, how should i describe it, BAD.
the good start for jap oral was ruined at the end when my partner and i forgot what we had to say for the dialogue.
and metabolism test, hmmm i'm just glad at least i managed to get some correct answers.

and the nightmare starts from here.
even when i've overcome numerous nightmares the past semester.
now i just have to finish up my 30% lab report before the books start to terrorise me.

i realised that ever since i've stepped into university, my memory's deterioating.
the photographic memory of the past, when i could actually memorise entire paragraphs from history texts, is gone.
sometimes it gets so bad that i lose myself in the midst of a sentence.
oh no, is it just me? or have university speed up the degeneration process of our brain cells?

cherlyn asked me a question i've never given much thought before.
"what would you do if today was your LAST day in school?"
by LAST, i mean last in the literal sense (during graduating year).
actually i didn't know how to answer her.
yeah sure i'll feel happy and all since i've been dying to get out of NUS the moment i got in. but somehow i'm sure i'll miss the varsity days when i'm out working. just like how i was almost positive i wouldn't miss TJC but that nostalgia retains no matter how nightmarish it was.
oh ya, maybe i'll miss my eye candy too. haha.
(i wonder if i could stop talking about eye candy for one day.)

damn you eye candy.
why do you keep appearing in front of me?
why do you make my stomach tangle into knots?
why do i feel stupid stealing glances at you?
why do i sometimes think you also steal glances at me?

why do i not know you?

IF ONLY.
i think i own too many if onlys.

a birthday collage for dearie leeloo
(i think this will be customary)

why is it always about school?

butterflies knotting in my stomach already, amazingly. at this time.
the horror just trudges closer and closer.
and my head threatens to split open very soon.

had thought that the taiwan trip could help soothe tensions a lil.
yes but yet it adds another problem to the list - finances.
(still pissed that i missed progress package by mere months, gah)
and now another quibble with the folks at home.
so timely when i'm feeling damn shit-ified after enduring countless bouts of cramps, abnormal bowel movements and lack of sleep.
why can't they understand? why can't they trust me more?
and when can they ever learn to motivate me for once?

eye candy's been keeping my spirits high in school.
but now i'm not sure if that's sufficient anymore.

dreadful.
i wish it could all end soon.