alright, i feel that i have some explaining to do here.

in response to szeman's tag, no i wasn't being sarcastic.
in what way was i being sarcastic? i certainly didn't see it that way.
but if you thought so then i'm sorry.

secondly, i'll be frank and admit that partially my post was directed to you.
not the whole thing because sometimes, i also get irritated by some other members in 208. maybe i picked the wrong time to voice out this issue, but if you were to ask chin she will know that in fact i had felt that this problem exists long ago.
i had wanted to bring this up during gatherings but the situation didn't allow me to and i didn't want to ruin the fun atmosphere.
your entry had triggered off this entry but i really need to let it off my chest because i've been bearing it for the longest time.
and i had hinted to some people about this issue before but i either get people brushing it off or plain avoiding it. so the only avenue for me is then my blog.

as chin said, 208 has been friends for almost 8 years.
8 years of friendship; and we're close friends for goodness sake.
what is it with all the fluffy and cheery talk amongst each other?
why is it that we can only deal with the happy and good stuff and not the bad ones?
to me, that makes our friendship very superficial.
besides, lately our topics have been revolving around crushes, relationships etc. i don't know why but i'm quite bored of it. isn't there more that we can share about our life? is that all our life revolve around?

we are all just afraid to tell each other how we feel about each other.
why are we so sensitive towards being offensive to each other? in any way, i don't feel it offensive because if i bothered to tell you it means i care about you.
rather somehow i think that being careful around each other just builds up walls and that means we do not trust each other enough.
also this just means that you don't want to feel awkward and in some way, it's simply a form of self protection.

i was hoping more people would speak up about this post when i wrote it.
maybe some people saw it and chose to turn a blind eye. maybe they feel this problem doesn't exist in the first place.

i'd like to say that i bear no hard feelings and likewise hope that you don't bear any for me after reading this post. also this is NOT a personal attack directed at anyone in particular.

this is just a plain entry about me speaking my mind.
if i don't say it now, i still will anyway.
so why not now?

-edit-
let me clarify something.
the purpose of this post, firstly is to speak my mind and secondly is me hoping that i can finally get answers about the honesty issue.
right now i'm not dictating anyone to shed their mask and bare their hearts out to one another. i just want to know about how we feel about this issue. negative or positive answer, i accept. if you agree, we can gradually work on it but if you don't then i accept that you think that it's best left this way.

i just wanted to be honest about this.

does a true friendship require honesty around each other?
that's what i believe in and somehow things have reached a point where i feel that i should say this about my closest bunch of friends.

true that we're very close and all but i always have a problem about the level of honesty in the group.
maybe some would call it being tactful but i don't like it when you pretend that, for example it's all fine when in fact someone's character has been irritating you.
i think that friends should share with each other their faults and flaws. how else would anyone find out then?
the reasonable solution would be to deliver it in a polite and nice way.

i don't know how many people would agree with me.
don't call me mean but this is what i'll try to do in the future.

-EDIT-

"没有人会对自己不在乎的人提出忠告。
最刺耳的话是最为你着想而诚实的话﹐
因为他相信你会懂。"
- 惡魔在身邊

a quote recycled from my earlier entry to reiterate my point.
makes utter sense to me and hopefully to others too.

alright, alright... i'm back, ok?

sorry for that wayyyy overdue hiatus.
you know sometimes when you decide you want to blog, log on to blogger and click on "create post". when the page loads up and you suddenly realise that you've got so much to write and you don't know how to go about starting it.
the so-called, information overload huh.
yeah, i'm currently like that.

(as you can see) i've fixed some of my image hosting issues so everything's looking pinky again like the past.
i do want to blog about the taiwan trip but there's so much to write and so many pictures to compile that my inertia's telling me to postpone it.
honestly i've been quite sick of telling everyone i've met, online and offline about my taiwan adventures so maybe when i'm in a better mood?
but i'll do it! you have my promise :)

>>> just so you know, trip photos are viewable under here (my camera), here (XQ camera) and here (char camera). <<<

have been taking a backseat ever since the taiwan trip.
my day basically revolves around sleeping, playing ff7, watching tv and anime, surfing the net and reading novels.
only till tuesday did i get up and start my excercise regime.
and finally went job hunting yesterday.

let's not talk about the nitty gritty details of my everyday life because it'll definitely bore everyone to death.
so can i talk about the thing that's on my mind every minute --- my eye candy?

actually i'm feeling like a dumbass for being so obsessed about my eye candy.
i'm sure chin must be grating her teeth and saying for what-seems-like-the-dunno-how manyth-time that "love is not wrong". (i find her justification hilarious though)
but isn't it really stupid for liking someone whom you don't know at all? and possibly have no chance of getting to know too.

and sometimes i think that he stares and looks back at me.
the dumbest thing is i never dared to look back or pretend that i didn't see it.
shucks, now i feel like such a wimp.
or maybe that's just because i'm over reading his reactions or that he simply stares at me because we see each other around too much and thus the "oh it's that girl again" reaction.

sighs i'm really going nuts.
when i'm actually losing sleep thinking about this.


expected endings cease to exist in my reality.
only in dreams do they take shape.