ok just when i was gleefully happy about worrying no more for abnormal aunt ruby... alas, she came back with a vengeance!
grrr can my least favourite aunt stop making trouble for me?
imagine the 2 dreadfully long hours in the examination room and what if aunt ruby decides to give me a huge surprise?
oh gosh, i guess i would just paint the whole chair red.
(anyway chin what does paint the whole town red mean?)
what a terrible notion~

i'm in a better mood today.

yesterday i was a grouchy brat.
lack of sleep, sore neck, abnormally heavy aunt ruby, cousin cramps.

plus the fact that dreadful SS is over and after tomorrow, my life will be easier.
and i can do all the things i want. hee.
anybody will become a happy girl. :)

i don't know what i'm doing here now when i should be studying.

well since i'm here, let me rant on about how disgusting the past week has been.
and so, i'm now 2/5 closer to the finishing line.
by tomorrow 11am, it shall become 3/5.
and tomorrow's paper is a major cause of worry.

as if tormenting me with the workload and my regret over not S/Uing this module is not enough, aunt ruby had to come pay a visit. together with cousin cramps too.
i'd applaud them for choosing such a good time to come visit. hooray.

i've totally lost hope for better results this semester.
1st paper: wasn't very good
2nd paper: everything i neglected to study came out
3rd paper: possibly even worse

sighs. is it even possible to achieve good results?
and i have to deal with the shitty feeling of my heart plunging into the abyss when the results come out and how to face my parents.
so sorry daddy and mummy, i let you down once again.

soci's done.
my race to the finish is 1/5 completed.

house's terribly quiet these days.
no tv, no talking/arguing... because of me.
compromise made because of the stupidly disgusting exams.
just one paper done and i'm already feeling drained.
i'm not even sick or plagued with a visit from aunt ruby so to all those who are, unfortunately, do take care.

i'm terribly worried i can't get better results this semester.
i really need to.
1. to prove to myself
2. to prove to others
3. to not let my parents down.

can i do it? i don't know.

Upcoming movies i WILL watch


Star Wars III: Revenge of the Sith

Charlie and the Chocolate Factory

Mr. & Mrs Smith
The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy

johnny! he's hilarious looking as Willy Wonka. i can't wait to see him on the big screen!

plus some that's not due for release so soon.

~Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire
~Pirates of the Carribean 2
~Spiderman 3
~X3: X-Men 3
~King Kong
~Chronicles of Narnia: The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe

blogging when my exam starts in 7 hours' time.
i'm crazy.

15 hours later marks the beginning of yet another terrible period in my life.
ok not all that terrible but bad enough to occupy the honour of being the #1 fear of SG children.
and it doesn't just apply to children you know.

been reading about religion for my soci exam tomorrow and since it's exam time, i bet the churches would be busier ie more youths go this time.
Father Simon Peirera said in the commerative mass that he sees a lot of youths during the exam period.
hmmm validates the point that people turn to religion when in crisis. (exams are crisis, FYI)
and being the free-thinker that i am, i have to bashfully admit that i do pray before an exam. but i don't on a daily basis.
horrible person, ain't i?

it's frightening how people get the motivation to mug so hard.
i can't, i just can't. i tried... but failed.
so now i have to fall back on my usual routine of 'hugging Buddha's legs'.
wish me luck.

yes, habemus papum!
i didnt't expect the new pope to be elected that quickly so my adrenalin was at an all time high when i saw the "white smoke" news on CNA.com.
and i discussed with jun about Ratzinger being elected and alas, he really is!
my gut feeling was right this time.

and having just proclaimed less than 4 hours ago in my previous entry that i'm not quite ready for the new pope, the cardinals had to surprise me so quickly.
it's crazy. i remember posting a bid to pray for the late pope on saturday and hours later on sunday, he passed away. kinda psyhic yeah?

well i caught the momentous announcement of the new pope live on CNA.
was really really excited at that time, especially when the senior cardinal from chile came out and spoke a whole load of latin that left me flabbergasted except for the 2 words "habermus papum" which everyone knew meant "we have a pope".
until i heard the familiar "ratzinger" and that was when i knew the cardinals had elected the German Cardinal Joseph Ratzinger as the new pope. the first german pope in centuries.

i wasn't all that all surprised since he was deemed a forerunner by both the media and the church. but i actually wanted a non-italian and specifically someone of african or latin american descent. i think european popes are too sheltered within the european ideologies and perspective. since John Paul II, the new pope cannot just simply sit in the Vatican and deal only with Catholic issues pertaining to the European side; he had to also become a 'global' priest.
and i also thought they may want to choose someone more liberal. Ratzinger is a staunch conservative, a former ally of John Paul II's many traditional doctrines. in the contemporary context, a more liberal pontiff would be a better choice but alas, it's not a choice for the masses to make.

Ratzinger chose the name Benedict XVI.
i initially thought he would follow after John Paul but perhaps this meant he wanted to show he was different or he found inspiration in the former Benedict XV.
in this first words,
"Dear brothers and sisters, after the great Pope John Paul II the cardinals have elected me a simple and humble labourer in the vineyard of the Lord."
He also asked the world to pray for his pontificate which i would most definitely do so. probably will go for a mass after my exams. anyone is free to join me.

one interesting thing about him is that he mentioned in a recent interview that he is looking forward to retiring to concentrate on writing books.
and given the new rules for the election written by John Paul II in 1996 which states that no one should refuse burden of his office, i dunno if it was rather forced on his part to accept the palpacy. maybe i shouldn't think in that aspect.
but i don't expect his palpacy to be very long, afterall he just turned 78 last saturday and owing to his ailing health.

all in all i hope, no matter how long the term of his palpacy, Pope Benedict XVI will take on his task with the best he can do.
Fret not, for the world will pray for you.
in the words of the late John Paul II, "God who imposes the burden will sustain him with his hand, so that he will be able to bear it".

the Vatican has announced that the ceremony of the holy mass to inaugurate the pontificate will take place next Sunday 24 at 10:00 am(roman time) in St Peter's. so i guess singapore time would be about 4pm. hope CNA broadcasts it.

i absolutely cannot afford to have any distractions now that i wasted my saturday and sunday on frivalous matters(i.e. playing games).
bored to tears going through all the readings.
readings are such a pain seriously.

exams are in 3 days' time. 22 apr.
and 3 may is my liberation day. woohoo.
with that i'm officially ending my stint as a year 1 which is both dreadful and wonderful at the same time.
dreadful because year 2 will be back to haunt me in 3 months' time.
wonderful because it's the much anticipated and deserved holidays.

the past week was both fun and horrible.
horrible for the first 3 days because of the LSM CAs.
on thursday, my superbly cool HY2247 lecturers pulled off yet another cool thing by bringing in ESPN broadcasters John Dykes and Jamie Reeves as guest lecturers. (a 1st in NUS, or so they say)
and many were decked out in their fave sport jerseys, pretty cool too. :)

notice the manutd jersey? well i wore it after all.
thanks to janey who loan it to me.
did i just forgot to mention how cool john dykes is?

went for the commerative mass on friday.
i actually wanted to drop the idea of going midway through my long perilous journey(1.5 hrs!) because i knew i would be late and the rain dampened my mood. but fortunately i didn't and i'm really glad.
one most touching moment for me was when the fire was passed row by row and candles began burning one by one.
it was so much like lighting up with hope.
then the slideshow of our beloved pope filled me with tears.
i'm so glad that his death has strengthened my decision in search of a faith.
and i realised i do miss masses quite a bit.

met jane in school before setting out for mass.
she casually commented, "wah you gonna be a catholic?" when i confirmed i was going for mass. i know many people are rather rigid in their opinions towards religion. i used to be like that too, thinking that those who frequent churches are holy.
now i know that's wrong. i think churches give even non devotees a peace of mind and spiritual belonging.

now news kept going on about the coloured smoke from the Vatican Sistine Chapel. i'm rather nervous about the identity of the upcoming pope.
i know it's wrong but i still can't accept someone else being pope just as yet.

side note:
something's incredibly wrong with blogger's preview function.
it keeps cutting off the section after this so i had to retype 3 times!!!
so you guys better pay attention to the parts below because i put in so much effort for it to appear. heh.
-------
oh yeah i'm gonna copy chin's idea.
so here's my...

things to do after the bloody exams
~ excercise
~ catch up with my friends
~ spend more time with my parents
~ earn money ie find a job
~ do something meaningful/enriching ie pick up a new skill?
~ do things i want ie watch anime, read manga, play games blah

and speaking about games, i'm recently very excited about the new FFXII.
recalling last year when i was crazily tapping on the buttons of the PS console controlling a certain Squall or Zidane, ooh how i miss RPG games. too bad i don't own a console so whoever has a console or willing to play with me, just leap into my arms after the exams haha. i'm serious leh :)

how i wish exams can be over right now.
maybe i shouldn't stress myself too much because i think i can't work well under too much stress and end up avoiding it altogether which makes things worse.
please, just give me no Cs and below and i'll be a happy girl.
don't you think it sucks if you study real hard and you get shitty results? i'm afraid it may happen to me. but ok i didn't exactly study hard, i'll be lying if i said i did. probably just study harder compared to last semester. heh. i was really horrible last semester, i admit.

ok i think i'm getting addicted with talking to myself now.
i'll type on and on and go terribly out of point if i don't stop here right now.

meanwhile i'll be on hiatus mode until exams are over.
that seems like a logical thing to do right? or maybe i may pop in to rant about how terrible the exam was and how i'm gonna fail blah blah, which was certainly last semester's trend.
chances are pretty high and so if you enjoy reading my rants, check back in here. haha.

all the best to me and everyone who's taking the exams.
(i needed it)

i'm so dead.
i actually forgot there's a CA later. OMG.
i forsee my 20% going down the dumps. *gulps*

i'm kinda apprehensive about wearing the ManUtd jersey jane loan me.
donning a football jersey to school attracts a lot of unneccesary attention.
the thing i'm most uncomfortable about is the number 7 at the back of the shirt.
argh and i have to give a presentation in that attire. oh no.
actually i also dunno what i'm so scared over.

goodness.
Chin and me were just discussing about the possiblities of an earthquake with an epicentre much nearer to Singapore on Saturday.
and it took place the next day!


read about the quake here

such an uncanny coincidence~
we better not discuss too scary stuff next time. who knows what would happen.

anyway i felt the tremors.
thought i was crazy already because the room was rocking. and it occured so soon after the 28 march quake, no one kinda expected it.
i'm worried that another strong quake may occur really soon since the faultline around the Sumatra continent seems very unstable. there were so many aftershocks and tremors that followed the dec 26 major quake.

i pray that damages can be kept to a bare minimum.


i found an image of the tomb of John Paul II.
it looks pretty. i actually thought the underground crypt would look dusty and much like the heaven for archaelogists. but well i didn't figure out early enough that Popes being important figures would not be buried in a shabby looking place.
oops. my mistake.

the tolling of the local church bells marks the start of the requiem mass for our beloved Pope John Paul II.
it's one of the largest funeral in history but that's not what matters.
the pilgrims gather faithfully in St. Peter's Basilica, each with their own personal emotions.
the 2-half-hour mass came to an end when the Pope's coffin was carried back into the Basilica.
i managed to keep my emotions in check during the broadcast but when the coffin was turned towards the crowd and held aloft with the sun shining on it, i knew it was the last time and burst into tears.
the bells of St Peter's tolled and the gathered pilgrims applauded - their last mark of respect for a great man.

China did not attend the funeral because the Vatican extended an invitation to the Taiwanese president.
i'm utterly disappointed. why did they have to be so political even at the funeral of a moral leader? just put aside your political views. think of the countless people who travelled miles but were not allowed entrance into the square.

my wish is to visit the Vatican City and the crypt where my beloved pontiff lay.
i've felt the urge to attend masses now, so far i've attended 2.
there's a youth commerative mass for the pope @ novena church 7.30pm this coming friday. do attend if you want to.
people like to ask why we attend mass when we're not catholics. actually i see no fault in non-catholics attending mass. for me, i just want to pay my respects and say my prayers.

i actually feel sad that many news sites have taken down their obituary sites for the Pope.
i know he has been laid to rest and there are many other important world news to focus on but i just can't bear to see the attention shifted away.
because with the loss in propaganda, people's memories of him will diminish with time.
my mum says i'm crazy because even the catholics don't go for masses and i fervently attend them now.

sometimes religion can really be a dilemma.
especially when religion isn't by choice, when you're born into a family already following a certain religion.
i think many people today just proclaim themselves as of a particular religion but don't exactly have complete faith.
they should be ashamed of themselves.
for me, i will remain a free-thinker until i have absolute faith.



the Pope was someone who strived and persevered in whatever he believed in admidst criticisms.
i hope i can also tackle a simple task of studying hard for my exams with the same determination he had.

my little tribute to a dear Pope.
just a tealight candle and 50 paper cranes I folded earlier.
i so didn't want the flame to go out.
and the flame does officially go out at 4pm tomorrow.

to anyone who reads this: help me light a candle at 4pm tomorrow when all churches will toll their bells.

it's been a tiring day today.
just trying to pick Bend It Like Beckham or Seabiscuit as my sports&history movie analysis was tough.
and jun, really sorry again for the unnecessary inconvenience.
thanks so much for going out of your way to help me. :)
it's just the little things in friendship that makes it so endearing.

there'll be no school tomorrow for me, good news because i can then focus on writing my movie analysis.
and i can make my way down to the House of Archbishop to sign the Book of Condolences.
do watch the biography of John Paul II on Arts Central @ 9pm, especially for people that have been touched by him.

actually i dunno why i'm so affected by his passing, even more so as i'm not of catholic faith.
and i never really paid much attention to him all these years.
the Pope was more like an invisible presence, he's mentioned and i heard of his testaments.
until recently during easter sunday when i saw footages of him on the news.
he was trying so hard to speak to the crowd but he could not. his every movement shattered my heart.
and when news broke out of him being in grave condition, i kinda knew he was gonna return to his Maker.
you know i can empathize with all the faithfuls' feelings right now because i feel the same way.
wanting to be happy for him but just can't help but feel sad.

though he would still linger in our hearts spiritually but aesthetically, it's so different.
an empty void when during mass, the pope's name is skipped.
a whole new process of acceptance when the new Pope will be elected by the conclave.
his name will be written in history but for the people living in the now, a part of them has been taken away.

*this was posted really late cos blogger kept giving me problems*

went for mass with gie and ser at the Saint Peter and Paul's Church.
actually i wanted to attend the special one for the Pope on monday but i was rather apprehensive about going alone.
and i was right. it sure was scary even with 2 catholic friends with me.
i dunno why, i just felt so self conscious. it didn't help that the number of people who attended were little so it was pretty obvious that i don't kneel and do the trinity sign - which means i'm not catholic.

gie commented that it's been raining since saturday which coincidentally happens to be the time when the Pope is in grave condition and subsequently his passing.
maybe it's really just a coincidence but i somewhat believe that the rain holds many symbolic meanings pertaining to the Pope's death.
Tears of the passing of our Holy Father; water as purification. whichever way you see it.

dreadful exams are looming closer, in about 2 weeks time. geez.
there's an amazing amount of work to be completed and tests to be studied for i doubt i can embark on my plans to actually start cramming.
i certainly hope i can prove some seniors, who proclaimed that if your grades for year 1 are very bad, you have no chance to climb back up again, wrong.

missed my mon swimming this week because of the rain.
now i'm feeling very uneasy as if i've fallen out of my proper regime.
i wonder if i should be brave and go utilise NUS pool.
i need my excercise!

Just under 5 hours after I posted my previous entry and asked to pray for the Pope, he had passed on and returned to the House of God.
Sadness came to me first.
The world has lost not only a religious leader but a wonderful man who could inspire both Catholics and non-Catholics alike and someone who advocates world peace and religious harmony.
Seeing images of the faithful shedding tears for him, I was also moved to tears.

The Pope reminded the world not to feel sad but instead to feel joy at his passing.
'I am happy... you should be.'
He has returned to the Father and free from all physical suffering.
And this was his message to the Youth(who have gathered at St Peter's):
'I have looked for you. Now you have come to me. And I thank you'

Masses will be held in all Catholic churches nationwide at 8pm today.

The world will remember you.
Thank you for everything.

even i, as a non-Catholic, feel for the Pope's declining health.
the figure of the church for 26 years and being the most travelled Pope ever, i'm sure many Catholics must have been touched by him before.
let's pray for the Pope John Paul II.

and back here in Asia, Indonesia Sumatra's been struck once again by a disaster.
this time an earthquake measuring 8.7 on the Ritcher Scale.
the tremors even reached Singapore and was felt in many parts.
i myself was freaked out when my whole bedroom started moving like I was on a boat.
imagine what it has like for the indonesians when they had suffered the full blow of the tsunami just 3 months ago.
why them again? is nature playing a joke?
i'm rather proud that singapore has sent rescue teams to the affected areas so swiftly and with the humaritarian help, one man had just been rescued after being trapped 5 days under the rubble.
sometimes i can't help but be in awe at how strong one's determination to live can be.

after watching miss singapore universe 2005, i'm wondering if all the pretty girls have died or something. and the questions asked were damn stupid. why did i even watch it in the first place? the only saving grace was Taufik's performances. i must say he's improved his showmanship by a lot and i'm proud he's our singapore idol instead of dumb Sylvester who only capitalizes on Jay's songs. Get a life, Sly.

and a belated "HAPPY BIRTHDAY" to my beloved friends.
27 march: Jane
30 march: Leeloo

this week has been my most busy week to date in this entire semester.
am really glad i survived it along with a record of sleeping a mere 10 hours for 4 days.
everyone's busy now... and jia you!