What have I been doing with my life?

Reflecting on the previous months of year 2004...

Jan-Feb: working my ass off in DBS
Mar-May: assuming alias identities as couch potato/slacker/useless slob/deranged shopper
June: caught up with soccer fever, picked up blading
July: blading craze, settling school matters
Aug-Present: going through torment in school

Didn't I set out a "Things I want to fulfil" list after A levels?
How many have I ticked? Probably a pathetic one or two?

I feel I'm just wasting my time here and leeching on my parents' love and wealth.
I'm just a useless good-for-nothing. Period.

It's been a long while.

A bit on my dreadful school life.
The weeks are getting more and more hectic with lesser and lesser sleep for me.
It's not like extremely busy but with all that accumulated work stress brought over from the past weeks, my body and mind can't hold up for very long.

The side effects:
+ Very much increased and saggy eye bags.
+ A darker shade of the ring under the eye.
+ A very stiff neck.
+ Whole body ache.
+ The feeling of being tired forever.
+ Attention span reduced to 1 second.

Sighs. Everytime I blog, I complain.
I have nothing funny or interesting to share about my life.
This is gonna be a slightly long entry since I'll be busier and wouldn't be online very much as the exams draw closer.


Just finished reading Robyn Sisman's "Just Friends"!
So glad cos I lost touch with the feeling of reading a novel for a long time!
And I love such novels, those romantic comedy type.

Guy and gal have a friendship for more than 10 years.
Gal just dumped, seeks shelter in guy's apartment for 2 weeks.
Guy accompanies her to her stepsister's wedding, pretending to be her lover.
After that it isn't a pretence anymore, but they're supposed to be just friends...

Tee hee, I just love such books.
I don't have to engage too much in it but the plot keeps me hooked.
Those who loved Jane Green are encouraged to pick this up.


Met up with Chin and Jane today.
I haven't seen them for a whole week, despite the fact we're in the same campus!
I really miss everyone. 208, KC friends, JC mates.
Everyone is so busy now we don't even know what is going on in their lives anymore.
Do people stray away from friendships after a long period of solitude?
Do friendships diminish after a long period of non-contact?
Maybe this is just one of the testing periods.


And I read about this issue a while back in Jay Forum.
(They don't just discuss about Jay stuff in the forum, some of them are so witty they kinda scare me)
Cos most of the chinese there live in the US or Europe, so they made this sterotype that Asians tend to be smarter than Caucasians, in terms of exams.

Hmmm that is so not true.
We're probably better in terms of maths and I would say really especially maths.
Those who took the SAT I would know that some of the qns in there are much easier than those we usually study. And also most of the chinese living overseas do clarify that the level of math there is lower than in Asia.

I'd say probably the culture is different and we place emphasis on different things. So how to explain that their language is probably much stronger than ours?
Our emphasis in the math and science is because of the future job prospects.
Asians are more money-motivated, whereas caucasians are more ambitious.
They tend to pursue their dreams, especially those fresh out of an academy.
Some fail and give up for a stable job, some keep trying.
I really envy them in this aspect, because I hate restrictions but I can't help but be restricted by all the expectations and social pressures.

Besides, doing well in school is not everything.
I know I self-contradict myself subconsciously because back in my mind, I think results are everything.
Or why the hell do I study and try my darnest best to enter university and choose a course I'm not totally passionate about?

Everyone has a talent.
I think sticking to your hopes and dreams are very important.
And very good nourishment for your soul.
Even if you fail, and can't try anymore, at least you tried.
I hate the feeling of regret when you didn't even have any chance to try it out.

Sighs.
Seems I'll have to relieve the feeling of regret again and again for a very long time.
I just hope it isn't gonna be forever...

Can hardly afford the time to blog, especially during this time when I should be in school.

Here I am at home, nursing a bad headache, probably due to my incessant late nights.
And missing school yet again.

To reilliterate, I'm still unable to adapt to my new life.
How are we supposed to find time to study, when work and tutorials are neverending?
Just finishing work is taking up most of my time. And then the spare time, I'll use it as my breathing space, or else I'll need to see a shrink.

And yet, we're supposed to study, go for lessons, do work and have a life at the same time.
We also have to master 5 modules' worth of knowledge within 3 months. Oh yeah, I forgot to mention that we need to ace it too.
We're not superhuman beings, FYI.

Darn, I'm always complaining about school.
But seriously I can't imagine myself having to lead such a life for 3 years.

Anyway, anyone has any materials that you think will be what the children in Cambodia needs? Like picture books, flash cards, clothes, toys, writing materials etc that you would like to donate.
Contact me latest by 28 Oct ok?

YIPEE.
Tis the aftermath of my computer crisis.

Turns out that the operator made a mistake.
Told me my password was 123abc but instead she reseted it as 124abc.
Made me worry the whole day for nothing.

Just realised that I have a daily MUST-HAVE food.
That is...

Yes, an apple.
I love the Gala apples, crunchy, sweet, juicy... oooh er!

I'm in the process of making a new layout, this time a white one!
Black has been rather depressing and I don't wanna depress myself any further.
Watch out for it.

And also, HAPPY BIRTHDAY MEIJUN.

I've been out of luck these few days.
Or should I say, full of bad karma, as quoted from my funny lab partner.

It started off as stated in the previous post, a full 7 hour computer crisis.
So my project was not completed even after I endured till 430am.

Next day morning, I forgot to bring my very important Chemistry Datasheet for my practical. Luckily mr nice guy lab partner let me photocopy his.
Then I broke a test tube... which probably is an ill omen of what was about to happen.

So after working so hard, I completed my project!
Because I didn't hand up during lecture, I had to go to the lecturer's office to submit.
After printing at AS7, since Science CBLC was closed by 620pm, I waited 30 minutes for the damn bus A1.
I literally ran around the science blocks getting lost, trying to find S3 Lv6 which is actually accessible by taking a lift from S2. What kind of infrastructure does NUS have???
And no surprise, it was all pitch black when I reached there at 745pm.
*$&@#*!(*#(!*@(~*@*~(*@&

And today, all was fine until my computer crisis came back.
This time, my singnet account is the problem.
I can't log in anymore, it keeps saying wrong username/password which is ridiculous as I never ever changed my password. I tried every possible one but to no avail.
Called the technical hotline, reset my password, waited an hour, tried again and

FAIL!

Why am I here now?
Because I'm leeching on EBIX SINGAPORE's wireless connection, which is incredibly slow at 1MBps in contrast to my singnet's 10MBps.

And right now flustered over a horrible Stats tutorial and a Math tutorial that can't be done because I just obtained the questions online.


When will my bad karma gonna go away?

Stupid stupid stupid me.

How is it I'm so stupid to download another antivirus program which conflicts with my existing one?
And yeah, my itchy hands caused me to waste a full 7 hours, when I have a project halfway done and a pre-lab assignment due tomorrow.

So sorry chin to lose my temper at you. My mum wasn't spared too. Sorry!
And this incident showed me how precious my laptop is to me.
I hereby profess that I will care for it as much as I can.
Please don't ever crash like this again...

And Happy Birthday Chin!

I'm always trying to escape from reality.
Which explains why I'm here typing out a blog entry when I should be working on my project.

And I utterly have no self-discipline.
Which explains why it's already Sunday 8.34PM and I have not done any work at all!

I seriously cannot understand how other people are so studious.
How how how? How to make yourself in a mood for study everytime?

Had a talk with Mum the other day.
This week has been very bad, I don't wanna recount again.
She tells me I don't show any concern for her at all.
It's true, I'm basically tied down by school work and am always in a bad mood.
So when she comes to talk to me, I just flare at her.
But I seriously cannot juggle both family and school work at the same time.

Another thing, she loves to come into my room all the time.
To see what I'm doing on the computer, to sleep on my bed, etc.
And she uses the excuse "I wanna save electricity( by not switching on the fan in her room)".
Initially I was fine with it since my parents don't give me much privacy anyway.
(They do not permit me to shut my room door)
Now everytime she comes in, I'll drive her away and she gets angry.

Why is she doing this?
Is it because she craves attention? Mum and Dad haven't been on talking terms for a while so maybe she needs a confidante?

I don't know if I can even manage myself, much less help her...

My head is exploding.
I think I need to see a shrink...

Am supposed to be doing my Chem lab report but I really needed my dose of blogging to release my thoughts.

I seriously think the end of the world is coming.
I can feel it.
Not trying to be omninous or what, but the occurence of natural disasters have significantly increased each year. And this year being the worst of all.
Besides mother nature crumbling, men have succumbed to countless of viruses and diseases. The most prominent being SARS and bird flu.
And to cap it all, the human heart has deterioated the most.
The terrorism activites have spawned endless killing of innocents.
Not only has extreme ideology churned out violent acts, the brawling over territorial issues have also surfaced.

What is becoming of this earth?
It will eventually become so chaotic that we self destruct ourselves.

I dunno if I can live to see the end of the world. Possibly.
That brought me thinking, if you knew the end of the world was tomorrow, what would you do?
Spend all your money to your heart's worth, cherish your family and friends more, search for your meaning in live or simply just treat it as just any ordinary day?
I seriously wouldn't know how I would react to it. Probably too trepidated to do anything about it.

Probably everything that happens does happen for a reason.
Be it the cruel and heinous acts, or the touching happy moments.
They all shape us into what we are...

Sorry. Haven't been updating much, even so during the weekend.
Next week is gonna be rather hectic so I can't spare much time to relax.

The old saying goes "You reap what you sow."
So I ask, do you always reap what you sow?

Take studies for example.
There are people who can do well even though they don't study or don't study much.
Is it because they're smarter?
NO, I never believed anyone is stupid or is less smart than anyone else.
Probably they have good studying methods and exam smart?

Actually the paper chase in Singapore is so moronic.
And yeah that makes me a moron too.
Everyone is just jumping on the bandwagon, everyone just have the general perception that having good paper qualifications equates to successful careers.
But, sad to say, NO NO NO.

How many graduates have failed to find a job within half a year of their graduation?
The supply of graduates in the market is simply too saturated.
Turn left, ah graduate! Turn right, ah another graduate!
That makes being a graduate nothing special. And thus to make it big, you must have the X factor!
You don't have to be a graduate to be a SUCCESSFUL businessman.
Or simply put, most graduates don't want and don't dare to risk because they think they are superior in terms of qualifications.

Oops I digressed too much. Getting too carried away.
They always say bootlickers go far.
YES it's true. I'm saying this after my working experience in DBS.
Officer A, who's selfish, bossy and just simply intolerable, does nothing much.
And all the work is delegated to this lower ranking officer B, who does so much that she can only eat lunch at 4pm and comes back for work even on her off days.
Oh yeah I forgot to mention this bit about A having a fiance who is a Vice President in another department.
And when the promotion day comes, who gets it?

A, the lazy, irritating one with a VP fiance for backup?
OR B, the one who has to slog her guts out?

Well, you should have guessed, in relevance to my topic, of course it's A.
So there you have it. I seriously think in the working world, even a bootlicking bimbo can be a manager.

Reality bites.