I'm just mad.

Check the time of this entry and you'll realise that "What!? It's the wee hours. What's she thinking blogging at this time and not sleeping? Is she mad?"

And yeah I think I'm mad too.
But I just can't go to sleep. I slept at 10pm just now and woke at 230am.
Ah, I guess I'm really such a night owl that it's virtually impossible for me to function normally if I were to crash before 12am.

I'm kinda bored now.
My plans are all screwed up now that I screwed up my sleeping pattern.
Was supposed to be doing some proper work ie tutorials, readings and such after I came home but I dozed off.
So I should have slept early and rise early to do some work but I woke up almost 5 hours too early. Should I give myself a pat for this rare achievement?

Anyway I'm totally not in the right mood for doing school work which sucks by the way because it's piling up like crazy.
Anyone who has talked to me on MSN or even seen my nick in MSN would know what is currently distracting me.

Yes, be prepared for yet another Jay-filled entry.
I probably just need to shout-out all my adoration for him to make myself normal again.

I never thought I would be the type that would downgrade to a malicious deranged fangirl when I'm at this ripe old age of 19.
Ok I did go crazy when I was 15-16, back when j-pop was in full bloom in singapore. Thinking back, I was really crazy. Collecting over 100 petition forms to make V6 come to singapore, faithfully buying Wink Up, a chinese edition of the jap magazine that will contain V6 monthly (and did I mention that it costs 10 freaking bucks?), surfing the net madly for V6 pictures and worse, printing them out(in full colour, mind you! Condolences to my poor ink cartridge), cutting them nicely and pasting them on every available space I can find on my journal. I counted, and it was a freaking 100 over pictures. Golly, the amount of ink I have wasted.

I'm seriously a terror.
Everytime I idolise some musician, I never fail to convey that piece of information to people around me.
Same goes for my current idol Jay Chou.

I like him so much I hope he marries me.
And to think back when he first debuted, I disliked him. Amazing how things can get reversed in such a short time of 2 years.
I guess it's just more of me being such a stubborn mule than Jay not having the appeal in the first place. I was so caught up in j-pop to the extent that everything else just is inferior. So when this random newbie's name keeps popping up everywhere on radio and word of mouth, I was irritated. I even thought Long Juan Feng was some rockish song based on its title and dismissed it immediately without giving it any chance.
And when I saw the MV of Ke Ai Nu Ren, the first thing that came to mind was "Yucks, what a corny song." because the only thing I heard was "cute woman" all the way due to Jay's trademark mumbling.
Then he was up against Stephanie Sun for Best Newcomer in the Taiwan Golden Melody Awards. Guess who I rooted for? Of course our home-grown talent, even though I was quite impressed with that weird guy that wears a cap but plays very well on the piano. I just have a soft spot for guys that play the piano well.

Yeah basically my first impression of Jay was bad. Really bad.
After my fanaticsm for j-pop died off, I was off music for a period of time.
Until Joann kept commenting how nice An Jing was and kept shoving the ear phones to me. And yeah I fell in love with An Jing and the man who wrote the song.
(Should I thank or blame Joann for introducing me to Jay then?)

My dad predicted that my obsession with Jay would die off soon, just like how it was with V6 which lasted for approx 2 years.
Well my Jay obsession is gonna reach a full 3 years soon and I forsee that it would remain strong as long as the man continues to amaze me with his songs and antics.
It feels different from my V6 obsession. Back then I was crazy over them, not really their songs. Now, I'm crazy over his songs first then him. The more I see him, the deeper I fall.

Can you guys tell me if I'm really crazy? Am I too crazy already?
But at least I don't overspend on him, except going for his concerts and snapping up whatever albums he releases. I'm only spending on the musical aspect not the miscellanous merchandise that I always associate deranged fangirls with.

Ah why am I trying to justify myself?
Oh no... my fangirl mode is currently overspilling.

Hmmm actually liking Jay is not a bad thing.
He has been an inspiration and a source of good influence for me.

1) Fillial Piety

Yes, I admit I felt guilty at times when I read about how Jay is so fillial towards his mum and grandmother and I reflect about how I treat my parents.
Jay is a celebrity and is the top earner in the Taiwan music industry(a whooping 15 million SGD, mind you. I'm so envious) and yet he doesn't show the airs some celebrities do.
And he values his family so much. Admist his hectic schedules, he would always make time for his family.
How he writes a song entitled Grandmother dedicated to (of course) his grandma and named his fourth album Ye Hui Mei, dedicated to his mother and they never fail to be around duirng his important events. And how he will never fail to mention how much he loves his mum's fishball soups, apple pies and fried beehoon.
And coming from a divorced family, how he doesn't show animosity towards his parents and instead discretion and consideration when it comes to meeting up with them. (he makes sure they don't meet each other)

Jay is a celebrity and hardly has time for his family. But he always replaces it with his actions. Actions do speak louder than words. Jay can never say affectionate stuff, he was even embarassed to say "Happy Father's Day".
I am fortunate enough to have a complete family but I don't cherish my parents enough.

In a way he has made me reflect and realise this. And I do admit I try my best to be more fillial and spending more time with my parents.

2) Success through sheer hard work/Sincerity and generosity

Yes, he remains a motivation for me that you can achieve what you want if you work hard. In his case, he didn't become what he is(the current top earner, Asia's most popular male singer) today easily. Spending 3 years behind the scenes and probably having the luck, Jay had to strive hard to break out in this highly commercialised chinese market, given the fact he was more loaded in the talent department rather than the looks department and he had no connections whatsoever.

And even now, he doesn't just sit back and ride on the wave of his success.
Given his inherited spine problem which gives him even more problems now compared to the past, he still dances as much as possible during concerts for his fans.
There was once he was so sick but he insisted on singing live when he could just lip synch like what most celebrities would do. Though he sounded bad but that sense of professionalism and sincerity covered up.
And how he generously donated 2 million TWD(not a lot considering his annual income is 300 million TWD but at least he bothers) for the tsunami relief fund and his active participation in the fund raising shows even though that means his schedule would be even more jam packed. He was so worn out he was sick. There's a source saying that he actually donates to charity regularly but I'm not too sure if it's true.

3) Chinese Pride

I used to think being a chinese wasn't as good as being a caucasian or japanese or whatsoever. Jay wasn't someone that received a high level of education, but his chinese pride and how he potrays it in his songs are admirable. His songs made me, once again, appreciate the beautiful quality of the chinese language(majority because of Fang Wenshan's lyrics) and the chinese instruments.

It's hilarious how he never fails to mention that it's important for us chinese to have our chinese pride and how we should glorify our chinese music. In the Jay forum, there was a thread about how Jay has influenced us and so many of them wrote how Jay has motivated them to continue learning chinese.(most of them are from the foreign non-chinese countries) I, for one, is considered apt at the chinese language but Jay has retained my love for the chinese music scene. And I do feel proud being a chinese now. :)

Ok probably you guys would think that I'm painting Jay in such a beautiful picture just because he's my idol. I'm not asking that everyone who read this entry should be converted to fans(though that would be even better) but just that if you haven't listened to his songs or think his songs are just crap, give him another chance(just like I have). He doesn't just write songs about love, which I think the chinese music industry is very saturated with, but also social commentary songs like Ti Tian(about the negative impacts of the Industrial Revolution) and Zhi Zhan Zhi Shang(an anti-war song).



I better stop my Jay promotion. Hee.
Is it wrong for me to want to marry him?
I was so excited when he made eye contact with me during his concert, but the reality is I'm just one of the many faces in the crowd he saw. I bet he doesn't even remember me.
You know just the single one second of eye contact made me delirious with joy but he probably just doesn't feel anything.
I mean there are tons of girls out there that are dying to fall into his arms and I'm just one out the tens of thousands I presume.
And there's the sad fact that I probably would never get the chance to meet him. I don't even have his autograph. And I badly want a picture taken with him(lately more and more fans at Jay Forum got to take a pic with him, why not me???). Even such simple things seem like unattainable, how would it ever be possible for me to know him and for him to fall in love with me?
It's just so wrong to expect him to reciprocate.

Oh come on, snap back to reality.
The union between an idol and a fan is impossible.
Jay will forever be that bright star etched in the sky that I cannot reach.

I'm so sad now.
It's 738am now.