Pages out of a mediocre existence

2007-12-25T02:53:00.000+08:00

to anyone who still reads my blog,

this MAY become my new blog.

if i still like it here better, i'll come back.

2007-08-10T15:27:00.000+08:00

is there a thing called true happiness?
this question came up after that night.

i'd always thought that crying out aloud would make one feel better.
yet for me, all that crying left me with a heavy heart - the realisation that my problems actually hurt so badly.

i'm never adept at baring my heart out. not even to people i'm close to.
it'll probably take a while to heal but i'm really happy to find out that i have friends. friends that care and provide a listening ear. and that i'm not alone :)

2007-07-30T00:19:00.000+08:00

blogging shouldn't become a responsibility.
why do we have to resort to reading each other's blogs in order to know how the other party is getting on? not like we're living miles apart that distance becomes a factor. that just shows that we're not spending enough time together. *shrugs*

which makes me miss those happier times incredibly even when they were just 1-2 months ago.

most memorable would be the girls' first-ever nature outing to (no prizes for guessing) ubin! we've really been too urban dwelling; it's time to go explore the wonderful living treasures of singapore while it lasts.

sleepy smiles all around. sorry girls, it must have been hard to get out of bed that early. but it's all worth it right (especially for those on their virgin ubin trip!)?

yes i was an immensely lousy guide. so much for having worked in ubin for 3 weeks... sorry girls for getting us lost like 70% of the time.

i could swear that it's waving hi to us, lol. was so excited seeing a (not exactly wild) wild boar for the first time.

i'm never ever gonna trust bari again! bah, we went by the longest route ever to chek jawa and that's not all. after that seemingly neverending route which left us all dying, there was this treacherous plank to top it off. luckily our already feeble legs carried us all safely across.

the crabby patty in question is none other than our becks! poor girl was so visibly tired and dehydrated that her face was flushed like a crab, apple, strawberry... you get the picture. we made pit stops as much as we could.

the marvellous scenic view atop jejawi tower. we all made it to the top despite the scorching sun and our worn out bodies.

i love this shot. the only remaining survivors (including jun the photographer) at the end of the day.

cheeky royston took the same bus as us on the way to simpang bedok and he kept us entertained throughout the journey with his antics and hilarious comments.

thanks girls for agreeing to comply with my pleas to visit ubin.
i know some of you didn't really enjoy it for whatever reason but hope that our next nature outing can be better.

2007-07-12T16:59:00.000+08:00

boo!!!

ok i gotta scare some life into my blog.
*ashamed* sorry i'm forever saying i'll update but the posts just don't materialise.

i'm not online as frequent as i'd like to.
these days i either stone or fall asleep the moment i reach home. it's not like work at ubin's been incredibly stressful (in fact it's the exact opposite after CJ launch), i just tune out.

there's so much to update...
the australia grad trip, the internship at ubin, my commencement and the various outings.

i guess i'm really too much of a perfectionist.
my posts would preferentially be full of nice edited pictures and vivid descriptions etc, of which takes up way too much time and thus i'm often too overwhelmed. in the end, i just give up updating.
jane told me before that i can just update whatever i want; it doesn't have to be visually aesthetic or whatever. i totally agree but i just cannot go past myself. bah.

anyway i'll conveniently stick on some pictures to complete my idea of a 'perfect' post.

finally chek jawa is launched on 7th july 2007!

TADA, minister mah draws the curtain along with NParks CEO.

and this is some of us after the entire event.

pictures from peihao

ok i've run out of things to say.
will be back soon. *crosses fingers*

2007-06-20T16:24:00.000+08:00

i'm alive ya, despite not updating for centuries.

gosh right now i'm so utterly bored.
ok not that i don't have any work at hand (actually a lot) but i miss ubin a lot.

right now i'm back in nus raffles museum to collate some specimens.
and i felt the difference in working environment instantaneously.

over at ubin, there's always people around.
funny rangers like ah hock, nonsense supervisor, the very nice adelle, the two guys who's always out on some adventure while i'm stuck in the office *cries* and these two naughty cuties who calls me "green colour jie jie". lol.

royston and joanne

see, so cute right?
they're the one of the last few villager kids remaining on the island.
and they love going back to ubin too (:

sighs.
hope this stint can end real soon.

2007-05-27T09:15:00.000+08:00

an oz blog entry, finally!
thanks to all the lovelies who came send us off :)

well i'm sneaking in a few minutes for some internet access.
not without a price though - 80 minutes for 5 freaking dollars. bah.

just arrived in melbourne hours ago. time now here is 11:17.
it's the final part of my trip and having mixed feelings now.
on one hand i kinda miss home, on the other i like backpacking.

anyhow i'll officially be back on sunny island on 30th may night.
i really miss the family, friends, food and the sun! (brrr sydney and melbourne's soooo cold lah!)

ok will update and provide pics when i get back.
cheerios for now.

2007-05-10T03:56:00.000+08:00

sorry for no updates after the exams.

will be away down under from 10th - 30th may.
promise updates after that, if i can spare some time from my internship.

stay tuned :)

2007-04-28T13:00:00.000+08:00

LAJ2201 Japanese 2
LSM3252 Evolution and Genetics
LSM3212 Human Physiology
LSM3244 Biotechnology
LSM4261 Marine Biology

最近都很悲观应该是笨蛋考试的影响吧
真的一度想要崩溃四天的不休考试可真是没能盖的
终于能喘口气了虽然还是对一科没把握深怕会不及格就不能毕业了

就剩下最后一科了很期待
这可能是我这一生中的最后一场考试
奇怪的是我并没有特别的感觉反而是感到庆幸

也不是没好消息啦
两天前接到了一通电话... 接受了我的实习申请
等了两个多月还以为没希望了所以就安排了二十天的澳洲trip
正好和实习日期相冲还好他们愿意等我 :)
会在pulau ubin岛上做些有关环保的东西对我来说是很有趣的
但是月薪才六百地点也不是很方便但开心就好啦希望如此

可是后来我突然想起了GFC chalet 不能呆全三天了...
还有六月一日的某某活动那天是我的实习第一天呀糟糕了
如果错过了我会超心痛的 T_T
就留给天意吧

haha i'm gonna terrorize chin with my chinese post^^

2007-04-24T12:30:00.000+08:00

~~LAJ2201 Japanese 2~~
~~LSM3252 Evolution and Genetics~~
LSM3212 Human Physiology
LSM3244 Biotechnology
LSM4261 Marine Biology

another down.
i should be feeling glad instead i'm feeling incredibly lousy.

i'm so tempted to blame it on others but in fact,
it's all my own doing.

i made the most important people in my life so tired and worried.
and i'm so scared that i might once again see the disappointment on their faces.

maybe i've never done anything particularly worthwhile in my life.
i'm so useless but they still love me. this unconditional love that i don't even deserve. what i've wanted, they always provide. yet a simple thing they hope for, i cannot even accomplish.

i've really seen for myself the magnitude of their love.
probably no one else in this world will ever love me as much as they do.
i love them too but do i even have the right to do so after disappointing them time and time again.

i'm sorry. i'm very sorry.
can i turn back time?

2007-04-24T00:15:00.000+08:00

did this some time back...
这张照片很有意境很喜欢
刚好那时候GARY的心情不好就以当时的感觉而加入了这个名言

i should be a optimist for once.

2007-04-23T20:30:00.000+08:00

~~LAJ2201 Japanese 2~~
LSM3252 Evolution and Genetics
LSM3212 Human Physiology
LSM3244 Biotechnology
LSM4261 Marine Biology

one down.
but it's a tough week ahead with 4 papers spanning from mon-thur.

plus why do i have to fall sick like now?
my erratic cough developed into a full-blown cough peppered with leaky nose.
i feel sorry though for the people that will be sitting next to me for exams... i'm sure the 2 poor souls today were totally disturbed by my incessant coughing and blowing of nose.

sheesh. and i hope man utd can fight hard for the upcoming fixture with ac milan.
ok that was totally out of point haha.

2007-04-20T21:37:00.000+08:00

ahhhh the exams are in 3 days' time...
and i'm barely done with my studying. shucks.

humid and lacklustre weather. erratic cough that's driving me nuts. stupid drowsy cough medicine i have no choice but to take. continually distracted with something random and unimportant. huge pile of boring notes and texts to read. no motivation whatsoever.

i had promised myself to be hardworking for this last semester.
promised mum to do well. now that i'll be spending so much money to go Australia, i don't know how to face her if my results end up bad.

i'm such a dreadful person =(

2007-04-17T00:12:00.000+08:00

FINALLY.

i'm lucky enough to finally finish all my assignments, deadlines, tests whatever by today.
and i know of others who still have stuff due later this week.
really, doesn't the school realise that we don't even have sufficient time to study for the exams... and now the deadlines eat right into our reading week. wth.

it's been madness this entire month.
in the midst of rushing slogging my ass off rushing all the deadlines, i even spared (to be honest, sacrifice would be a better word here) some time off to chaw my way to KL.
no regrets on my part but it did cross my mind that if i hadn't gone maybe i wouldn't be so busy.
BUT still it became part of a memory that will live within me for a long time for sure.

and and it's CONFIRMED. affirmative! yay jun and i will be making our way to Aussie Land!
after pondering for ages, we've finally trotted down to the Qantas office to make our bookings. though i was rather disappointed at the e-tickets they issued - mere papers. was hoping for a flashy looking ticket slotted within a boarding pass. dang.
so mark 10th May 1745 Terminal 1 on your calenders if you wanna wish us "bon voyage".

aside from the adrenaline rush left over from post-chawing effect and the anticipation of the aussie trip, one thing that's keeping me on my toes is the man utd matches! we've successfully progressed into semis and finals for Champions League and FA Cup respectively! and still 3 points ahead of Chelsea in the premiership (though this is still very very risky la)... treble hopes still firmly in place! luckily the chelsea vs man utd match will be after my exams so i can watch in peace. hopefully we can win the treble or at least we've got to win the premiership this season. not gonna let the cup go back to some team that's merely put together using lots of buckeroos.

and now onwards to the exams.
i'm not even half-confident if i'll be able to finish studying for everything!
gotta cram 4 modules' worth into just 6 days. is that possible? ><
but i'm feeling majorly motivated... maybe because of mr chaw... maybe because my desk is super tidy now (after half a day's worth of tidying up) with lotsa chaw and jay stuff pasted all over my wall... maybe because it's the final semester? i don't know...

oh ya speaking of the last day of school... bah it didn't felt anything special at all. i was more overwhelmed with all the work and running all over school to make it in time for my classes than feeling nostalgic or whatever i'm supposed to feel. though after the final lecture, i did somehow heave a sigh of relief and somewhat celebrated by indulging in a nice meal at Foster's Cafe Holland Village. other than that, nothing special really...

brrr... ain't gonna think about the prospects of post-student life.
right now i'm just going to take things one step at a time.

2007-04-09T21:06:00.000+08:00

thanks so much to mil @ GFC Forum for taking all this splendid pics!
Note: please do not take these w/o permission

^i guess you could count this as taking a pic with Gary? though i would prefer one with just the singapore peeps and him.

^make a wish, make a wish!

^'molest' incident again, lol. it's not me!

^the singapore peeps who went against all odds =)

^We love Chaw, we love GFC <3

2007-04-08T23:06:00.000+08:00

you make my everyday! <3

wahahaha! but i look like shit in this.

2007-03-19T02:32:00.000+08:00

there's so much backlog to clear.

still no time to blog yet. so in case i forget, i'm gonna stick a few pics as reminders.

plus some others w/o pics:
CNY, ktv madness, iwo jima, gary cao!

i'll be back to post some words when i have the time.
so check back this post for the updates. ciao for now.

2007-03-08T06:06:00.000+08:00

i think i'm a bit edgy these days, with aunt rubes terrorizing and all the impending deadlines.

i end up getting super paranoid and ask silly questions on MSN.
(some of you should know what i'm referring to)
and then i get irritated when people don't end off a conversation with "bye" or "goodnight".

well that has happened all the time...
and in the past i get quite pissed when people just simply log off without bothering to say anything to end off the conversation. i dunno but i feel that it's simple courtesy; just like when you meet someone you say "hi" and "bye". so doesn't mean that it's instant messaging then you can be ill-mannered.

argh i'm so touchy-feely.
i hate this!

2007-03-07T04:41:00.000+08:00

i'll do all my updates at a later time.

for now, since i'm a deranged gege fangirl... i must promote his stuff.

Gary singing Liang Zhi Lian Ren (Two Lovers)

zhuang, when you see this vid i'm sure u'll be able to see us in it!
i'm so amused that i can find myself in a vid in youtube! luckily didn't expose my face.

quick, guess which ones are we!

2007-02-13T01:13:00.000+08:00

alright, i'm weird.

one minute i don't blog for months.
another minute i'm writing two entries in a day.
maybe that's what you call a writer's block (as if i'm one haha).

anyway i'm just inspired by some of the books i've been reading lately.
yes, somehow in the midst of my busy school life i managed to squeeze in a chapter's worth of reading time every night before i sleep.
and i've been frequenting the bazaar in arts forum where there's this book store where you may get some good titles (if you care to look) at a steal!

so what i reaped:
Life of Pi $2!!!
Bridget Jone's diary $2
Middlesex $5.90

but i narrowly missed out on this book i've been wanting to read because my hands happened to be slower than this girl who picked the same book out of the pile. bah.

actually i haven't read any of those i bought, save for bridget jones since chick lit is generally less brain stimulating and more relaxing.

loaned this book recommended by the oprah winfrey book club called Night by Elie Wiesel.

it's a slim volume of about 100 pages so i managed to finish it over the weekend. and i do recommend this book because it's IMO a simple yet powerful account of Mr Wiesel's account on how he managed to survive the Holocaust. it's rekindled the sorrow and disbelief i felt while reading another Holocaust related book, The Diary of Anne Frank. how can fellow humans treat each other like that?

these accounts can break your heart because as you journey with them through the pages of the book, an emotional attachment is forged. especially in both books, they are merely teenagers - Mr Wiesel being 15 when he was deported to Aushwitz concentration camp while Anne Frank 13-15 while living secretly behind their house's trapdoor.

but why do they have to suffer such terrible fates merely for the fact that they're Jews? i think that having lived in a much more carefree society i certainly cannot understand how such extreme thoughts came about. and one very paramount event that struck me in Night was when Mr Wiesel overthrew his faith. he did not deny or hate the fact that he was a Jew, but he was angry at the above for not helping the people who had total faith in Him. i'm a free-thinker so i cannot give my comments about this issue though i wonder what others who hold steadfast to their faith would feel.

so right now i'm quite fueled to read or watch more war-related material.
am interested to watch The Pianist, Letters of Iwo Jima and Flags of Our Fathers. (psst jun, you should watch Iwo Jima since Nino has quite a big role in it!)

it's awesome how Clint Eastwood has produced two films from different standpoints (ie Letters from Iwo Jima from the Japanese perspective and Flags of Our Fathers from the American perspective) because i believe there will never be absolute evil. i can even be inclined to believe that Hitler may not necessarily be evil even though he was essentially the mastermind to all that gruesome murders. No one's born evil. Besides the perspective of good and bad depends on which side you support.

and also channel 5's been promoting that oscar marathon quite a bit.
i've been wanting to watch Babel, The Queen, Little Miss Sunshine and Little Children.

ahhh haven't watched a movie in a long while, the last being Death Note 2.
maybe if i can spare the time, i should try watching alone. seems quite adventurous!

oh and of course i can't wait for black spidey ala Spiderman 3 and some Johnny Depp swashbuckling action ala Pirates of the Carribean: At World's End.

ok what a hefty post this turned out to be. *phew*

leaving you with a quote from Elie Wiesel's Night:
"'Where is God? Where is He? Where can He be now?' and a voice within me answered: 'Where? Here He is - He has been hanged here, on these gallows.'"

2007-02-12T14:49:00.000+08:00

ahoy, missed class today because i overslept.
decided to come back here and update a little since it's way into february of 2007 yet my blog's still stagnant at dec 2006.

/start naggy post

i don't know what to say really.
holidays just zoomed past and right now, i'm waiting to be swarmed by another round of school work. it's just school work work work non-stop. haven't been able to stop and think about what i'm about to venture into after graduation. though the career fair's such a useless event, such a waste of time really. somehow i'm thrown further into the disillusion that i'm either gonna end up washing test tubes or doing something i have no interest in.

and every single time i pass by shenton way on the number 10 bus, i'd look and see the executives ala office people and start to dread the end of semester.
i guess we've all somewhat taken for granted how lucky students are. monetary, responsiblities and the way people expect of you.

i think this year's gonna be a life-changing one.
dunno whether i should look forward or dread it.

argh which reminds me that i'll be one year older.
and mum's probably gonna worry even more about my status and bug me more about finding a boyfriend. argh seriously how many of your parents do that to you?

no boyfriend = nag "when you find a boyfriend huh?"
with boyfriend = nag "when you get married huh?"
with husband = nag "when you gonna have children huh?"
with children = nag "which school you gonna enroll your kids huh?"

aiyo seriously being an adult is such a chore O_o
i'd rather not have the priviledge to watch R21 movies. brrr.

and i was hoping before that my final semester can be a breeze.
but noooo, it's horrifying nuts. and i think this applies to everyone else i know.
japanese 2 is stressing me out quite a bit, mostly due to the fact that i've forgotten most of my japanese 1 materials. (SOS zhuang!) and with every practical or lecture i'm going to, there's more and more work being assigned. nooooo....

totally have no time to think about the aussie trip.
i dunno if it will actually realise in the end since now we are facing a lot of problems like parent's disapproval, safety and money issues.
sighs. well maybe i may just end up signing up for a PADI open water diving course instead. anyone interested?

AND *random* I WANT A GOLDEN RETRIEVER!

/end naggy post

moving on...
had a great x'mas with 208.
i have some pictures in my mobile but won't put them up until i learn how to do animated gifs. (or anyone knows how to work that in fireworks?)
also celebrated szeman's 22nd birthday. ok my memory's kinda stunted so excuse me if i happen to miss out some events.

been quite interested to whip up some dishes lately.
in a way i'm trying to pacify mum since she's adamant about me knowing how to cook or else i can't make a good wife (yada yada lol).

ok here's showing off some of my dishes.

ok don't laugh because i do know that it doesn't quite make the cut. but considering i'm quite the newbie so cut me some slack!

and of course, even though i sometimes whine about my mummy i still love her loads! here's celebrating her XXth birthday!

and in a bid to embarass my daddy, watch this for good entertainment! =P

alright, ending off this post with a quote in a nice picture i took while blading with jun last month. quite surprised that i can actually see such big fluffy clouds in the gloriously blue sky in january (when it was raining elephants).

2006-12-21T01:30:00.000+08:00

finally... a day with no rain.

it's been, in the words of jo, "raining elephants" this entire week.
i actually do like the rain because the weather's cool and nice to sleep in.
but obviously holidays are not meant for sleeping and it's cumbersome to fit an umbrella into your bag. and no swimming for me =(

wasted my weekend away trying to recover from my various ailments.
it was soooo painful not to be able to eat to your heart's content when you feel hungry.
so on monday the moment my stomach flu left me, jane and me dragged alex down to taka sushi tei for a wondrous long overdue japanese lunch. sushi tei's sushi is still the best!

no lack of playing a fool with alex around.

met jo at the market opposite tjc for jane's fave yu pian mifen.
i really cannot comprehend how that girl never gets sick of it.
decided it was not statisfying so we hailed a cab to block 85 for second round, lol.
and then jo spurred on the idea of a vacation, something we had wanted to do but somehow didn't come round to fulfiling it for the longest time.
hopefully this time we can really go somewhere. yay :)

and darling jun's back in singapore!!!
managed to coerce her to accompany me to tampines ikea for window shopping.
i'm seriously in love with furniture megastores; alexandra ikea being one of my favourite hangouts. so fun to jump down on the couches, pulling drawers and switching on appliances <--- this is meijun's fave!
and i'm sooooo happy that jun's finally back! missed her so~

plus dearest jane made me soooo happy when she got me a cinnamon roll.
that was so sweet of her! even though she did say that she's somewhat relieved that i can finally stop whining about my cinnaroll craving. =D
but girl, i don't think i can ever stop. just like how you love your yu pian mifen. *grins*

i'm gonna pray that tomorrow's a sunny day too.

2006-12-18T13:07:00.000+08:00

post-windsurfing camp thoughts.
the sport itself was fun but i hated lugging all the equipment back and forth.
the rainy days were such a dampener and as always after every camp, i'll be bestowed with various ailments which included a bad bout of stomach flu, swollen sore left eye, numerous bruises and a thoroughly aching body.
and sad to say, i fully realise that my fitness level is very below par.
time for some excercise, girl.

what an irony.
when those who've been overseas return (hong, chun and jun!), those that were in singapore had to leave (eleanor, zhuang, chin).
208 is forever missing some people.

sometimes the holidays are a dilemma for me.
to stay at home equals to wasting time; to not stay at home equals to spending money.
i don't know how i'm gonna curb my expenditure with the upcoming festivities.
ought to be really happy about christmas but alas the financial woes... sigh...

and stupid man utd!
please don't lose another match again.
chances are not enough unless you convert them.

2006-12-07T11:44:00.000+08:00

YAY. *cheers*

~~29 Nov lsm1201 general physiology~~
~~04 Dec lsm3262 comparative animal physiology~~
06 Dec lsm3251 ecology and environmental processes
06 Dec lsm3253 plant physiology

finally over.
i'm one very happy girl right now :)

well i would have wanted to celebrate right after my papers yesterday.
which was why i suggested to chin that we should all go mambo as most of the tertiary population would be there too.

but lousy me concussed even before stepping out of the house!
so i spent the hours after finishing my papers sleeping. -_-"

and what a bummer.
when i had decided to go swimming, it started raining! bah.
now i'm stuck at home at a loss of what to do.

not able to:
- swim because it's raining
- download animes/shows/mangas because my drives are full
- buy cd-r because it's raining

doushite? why???
i guess i'll go watch the asian games encore and hope for the rain to stop.

2006-12-05T17:43:00.000+08:00

tick... tick... tick...

75% and 35% of 2 modules done. it's the final lap!
about 24 hours later, it's liberation for this girl.

absolutely cannot wait.
with just hours of the desired day looming by, let me tabulate the things i wanna do.

- meet up with 208 and jc clique
- KTV with respective cliques
- live man utd matches with jane
- anime/drama marathon
- catch Death Note 2 and Happy Feet
- retail therapy!
- visit Ikea Tampines (get some new furniture? hah)
- roadtrip to JB (eat, go-kart etc)
- x'mas party/chalet!
- nature trip (tree top trail/zoo/sungei buloh)
- walk-the-dog at SPCA
- take pics of orchard x'mas lightings
- blading and swimming
- get ready for upcoming windsurf camp
- play the luge at sentosa
- organise sprees! do some DIY
- read up on marine biology and japanese
- tidy up my room
- learn to write resume and look out for jobs

wait for me, peeps!
i'll be joining you all soon...

2006-12-04T19:00:00.000+08:00

yet another, YAY!

~~29 Nov lsm1201 general physiology~~
~~04 Dec lsm3262 comparative animal physiology~~
06 Dec lsm3251 ecology and environmental processes
06 Dec lsm3253 plant physiology

ahhhh but by now most people's finished with their exams.
nevermind, i still have 2 days! just TWO.
what's not so good though; i think i'm getting sick. damn.

plus the fact that today's paper is half-good, half-bad. confident for 50% of the paper and totally deflated about the other half. perhaps i can take comfort in the fact that everyone else is feeling the same way too?

sighs i've been piling up the pressure on myself to achieve good grades this semester.to the point that i'm getting a little conked out and trying to run away from reality. if my results don't improve by leaps and bound this semester, i'm dropping the idea of honours for good. but i still think my current degree is still not enough. even my cousin's planning to come back to study for another year after her stint in boston.

right now, i don't have time to think about those issues.
i wished time was longer so i can study and sleep more.
on the other hand, i wish time would go by faster so i can be liberated sooner.

2006-11-30T14:16:00.000+08:00

first paper down, woohoo.
not sure if i'll do well enough to get a good grade but felt happy nonetheless since it's been ages since i felt this confident about a paper. (usually nus exams make me depressed)

so... *gleefully*

~~29 Nov lsm1201 general physiology~~
04 Dec lsm3262 comparative animal physiology
06 Dec lsm3251 ecology and environmental processes
06 Dec lsm3253 plant physiology

YAY :)
but why do my last paper have to be at bloody 5pm? grrr...

ahhh there's so much i wanna do during the holidays.
i need the money but i don't think there'll be time for me to take up a part-time job. anyway who would hire a part-timer that can only work for a week?

and i'm really pretty addicted to spree-ing. (jane, chin and jun should know =P)
ordered a couple of shirts, make-up and lip balm already. i'm trying very (x100) hard to resist ordering more items and making my already very empty bank account even more empty.

heh, i was browsing the animesuki forums yesterday and came to know of this fall '06 anime title. granted, i love japanese period stuff (like rurouni kenshin, akira kurosawa movies etc) so this edo period style certainly attracted me.

name of this anime's bakumatsu kikansetsu irohanihoheto (>< very lengthy!)
it's affectionately known as iroha which is a japanese pengram.
and doncha think the OP's so cool?
i adore the song as it fits the theme so well and the animation is so stylish.
the cliffhanger at the end intrigued me. why did she cry? whyyyy?
also it helps that the main character's so cool! <3
but why is he only 17? i don't like to fangirl over a boy younger than me!

i want to watch this so badly but both my drives' currently full.
maybe i should go to sitex'06 and buy some cd-r.

p/s: anyone wants to go catch phantom of the opera? i'm still in a dilemma over the money but it's been my wish to see this!

2006-11-28T19:38:00.000+08:00

had a nice sunday night.

caught what was touted as the big match of the season - the clash between manchester united and chelsea, live over SCV at 11:55PM. which was quite the bummer for me since it meant that i had to go downstairs to that 24/7 desert shop at such an ungodly hour.

and surprise surprise, sweet daddy dearest (muacks) actually accompanied me to watch the entire match even it's way past his bedtime and he's not even a soccer fan in the first place. was really happy even though stupid chelsea came back from behind to equalise. ahhhh i shall not even go on to explain why i dislike chelsea as a team.

so manchester united squandered their chances of extending their lead but i left the place full of happiness over how i'm being loved by my daddy :)

and as always, jane and me the manchester united fans will squeal and shout while watching the match. this time it was over the phone. the match ended but our conversation didn't. just realised it's being eons since i last had such a long conversation with jane over the phone and it was really nice^^ can't recall everything we talked about since there were so much.

but now i really wish that exams would be over soon and i can spend more time with my family and friends. too bad mummy's shop would be ready for business by then so they won't be free when i'll be.

tomorrow's my first paper!
i can't wait for everything to be over.

2006-11-26T00:41:00.000+08:00

i wished god made me a person with more self-discipline.
it's been a full week since reading week started and my progress is dismal.
only finished 50% and 20% of 2 modules; the rest still untouched.

someone, please save me.
everytime i switch on my laptop, the monster in me unleashes and the resistance to will time away vanishes. believe me, during exam time i can find absolutely everything to do online and not do my studying. why am i always like this? T_T

i really need to pull up my grades, at least to a 3.
to prove to some people and most importantly, myself that i can do this.
this semester has been one of the best for me, in terms of pre-exam results. never in my 2 years of varsity life have i not fallen below average in class for majority of my tests. it's really a huge morale booster. but why now? the most crucial period and i'm stumbling. i think i really need to get out of the house and go somewhere with absolutely no distractions whatsoever.

and i'm gonna leave everyone with some recommendations.
if anyone's bored during mugging and require some light-hearted entertainment, go seek out this japanese drama called Nodame Cantabile. it's a manga adaptation and is really very hilarious. it's about a bunch of music academy students and i love the way it shows the passion and love musicians have for music (even if it's plain old classical). plus it rejuvenated my love for piano! erm though it's not very accessible since it's not being uploaded on Youtube and can only be downloaded via torrent at the d-addicts website. the anime's coming out in jan 2007!

another one would be 花樣少年少女, a Taiwan drama which is also an adaptation from a manga. (Note: it's the chinese version of the manga that i'm besotted with recently, the one with the two leads gracing my layout currently) more info found here. if you're interested, you can go to youtube for the first episode. *coughcoughsupportmebyvisitingmychannelherecoughcough*

alright, everyone mug hard!
while zhuang, you can play hard and study hard for your JLPT.

p/s: anyone's reverted to the new version of blogger? i'm still apprehensive since it's the beta version and requires a google account sign-up.

2006-11-16T23:09:00.000+08:00

phew.

FINALLY it's ALL over.
rejoice with me as I complete my last deadline of the semester as of today.
*cheers*

brrrrr. i wondered how i managed to persevere through the weeks.
i'm a champion in my own right! yay. everyone is too!
right now my body has switched to the 'holiday' mode, which is bad since i need to start studying to reach the high goals i set for this semester.
plus the biological aspect of my body (ahem rubes yeah) is draining my energy and totally souring my mood. i've been trying to curb it by gorging tons of chocolates.
they may be god-sent saviours but by the end of exams, i need to shed them off. eeks.

aiyo i'm totally incoherent here.
better stop writing already ><

2006-11-15T00:20:00.000+08:00

I think most people watched this already.
BUT omg, absolute comedy gold!
Bored students sure are creative.

2006-11-11T16:36:00.000+08:00

well szeman said my blog's extinct so i shall prove her wrong :)

so new layout!
couldn't resist making one since i've been crazy about the hanakimi manga.
(note: chin and eleanor should know since i've been loafing and reading this while laughing a lot when i should be studying instead)

wanted a clean and crisp feel.
took me a lot more time than i had expected since i had to painfully clean the scan and redraw certain parts. (if you look carefully you can guess which parts i drew in. ie the ugly crooked parts).

and since i opened up fireworks, might as well do the birthday banners.

BUSHA - 10th June 2006

ZHUANG - 14th June 2006

ELEANOR - 1st October 2006

CHIN - 12th October 2006

i'm missing hongxuan's pictures and we forgot to take pictures during rebecca's!
we haven't exactly celebrated for chun and meijun.
as for mine, i'm lazy. another day perhaps.

right now i'm jam-packed with work while fretting about the upcoming exams.
and then holidays will arrive once again.
feels like just yesterday when we had our 3 month break.
that three months were a period that i can never forget.
the 2 months' work, taiwan trip and the loss of my paternal grandpa.
i still miss him. now with both my paternal grandparents gone, our family hardly gathers weekly anymore. somehow the link seems broken.

it's really saddening.
but mum's always saying that one day when each one of us is settled down with their own matters and family, we won't be as close as we are right now.
and i don't know what will happen once we graduate from school.
chin, zhuang and i will be graduating next year while most of the others are still in school. seems like we are all going to approach a time when our phase in life changes.

perhaps i'm being too morbid here.

2006-10-25T00:37:00.000+08:00

i hope i'm not catching the SPG-syndrome.
ironically, i laugh and tease others when they tend to ogle or favour caucasians (like szeman who was on an angmoh frenzy a while back, and my cousin gracey who's currently in Boston while i await her coming home with a potential US cousin-in-law).

it's hard not to take notice of those exchange students.
last friday i was ogling at this caucasian dude i bumped into twice that day.
obviously he's cute, dresses relatively well and his cologne smells good.
so i couldn't help but keep staring admirably at him.
crikey, now i wonder who's gonna get the last laugh.

also i realised that the term "eye candy" has been missing from my entries for a long time. ah well, i guess that was really just a phase where i started becoming bored and developed an unhealthy obsession (of course less unhealthy compared to my CRAZEE secondary school days).
so right after i found out he had a girlfriend, he's been shut out of my life.
as simple and easy as that.
lol, what a convenient crush.

though i wished i had something to take my mind off stressful matters.
the mountain piling of work, bleak future prospects and uneventful social life.

2006-10-23T22:38:00.000+08:00

took a breather during the weekend, and now i'm up to my neck in work.
ah, i'm regretting it already.

nevertheless, it was fun visiting the asian civilisations museum for the Hidden Faces exhibition with mom&dad. (it was free, that's why they were so willing!)
and watching death note later at GV Vivo with zhuang and szeman.
vivo city's freaking huge and a word of advice: don't ever go there during the weekends. you'll just be amazed at how scary the crowd would be like.

yesterday i caught my first live EPL match this season!
haha really pathetic for a so-called soccer fan but that's the price to pay for having no SCV on my tellybox.
scrambled downstairs to one of the dessert shops showing the match (double RED clash: United VS Liverpool) on my own, ordered a drink and promptly sitted myself at one of the nearest seats facing the screen.
i think some of the guys there must be pretty puzzled by me since i was trying very very hard to cut down my display of aggressiveness when i get tensed while watching a match :)

and YAY, i proved to myself that i didn't jinx the team.
a 2-0 win with Scholesy being my hero! i love it how the veteran players are still the prominent players with impact. of course we need new blood with the likes of Ronaldo, Rooney and Carrick etc, but i think United plays best with the older players in form. makes me nostalgic about the wonderful team back in the late 1990s and early 2000s.

tomorrow's a public holiday but no rest for me :(
it was never meant to be a holiday for me since i had meant to do my lab report the entire day. but now it's changed to a project meeting.
which means lesser time to finish my report and lesser time to study for test.
ahhhh i foresee less shut eye already. bless me.

2006-10-18T01:11:00.000+08:00

i really dread logging in to blogspot.
backlog's nagging at the back of my mind and i feel bad for making the empty promises to myself and others regarding the updates.

ahhhh but time's elusive and i don't exactly have a lot of time to sit down and blog at ease. i absolutely cannot tolerate scrappy posts so no fast-speed entries for me.

speaking of which, things have been bad lately.
workload's coming at a consistent rate. everytime i finish an assignment albeit all puffy eyed and dizzy from lack of sleep, there's another one waiting for me.
though i do wanna give a self pat to myself for keeping up the hard work :)
and the haze is like meh.

i hate to think about it but recently TODAY published a headline regarding the career prospects of life science graduates. it was totally demoralising and subsequent letters/responses from fellow graduates paint an even sadder picture.
now if they only need PhD students, what's a BSc like me gonna do? wash test tubes?
oh golly, i don't even want to imagine that.

at a time when i'm finally happier with my modules, this 'bleak future' prospect is certainly throwing a huge cloud over me (added with thunder and lightning).

ahhhh please do not ever make me regret that i stupidly chose this degree.
i still have a year to struggle through. i need my motivation!

2006-10-10T00:15:00.000+08:00

sometimes i wonder.
of what i give to people, how much would they give back to me.

maybe i'm being too naive.
i'm just starting to realise that the give-take ratio will never be equal.

i should have known.

2006-09-12T12:08:00.000+08:00

i know i'm not done clearing my backlog, which is accumulating even more as of now.
wishing i could just dump the notion of clearing my backlog aside but having some record of my past events seemed to be a neat idea.
especially when i feel that a lot of things happened during my last holidays.

but still, i hate clearing backlog.
some of you may think, what's so hard about clearing backlog?
but remember, i'm a perfectionist! so i MUST put up nice photos and pictures with as much detail as possible. that makes the task even more of a chore.

currently, i'm desperately trying to rush my datelines.
only have myself to blame for procastinating for the whole of last week.
birthday party's over (*a major phew*) and i've felt restless ever since.
we'll talk about the party another day though.

next week's gonna be the start of the nightmare week, with 4 practicals to boot.
practicals' ain't the killer, i actually enjoy them, but it's the lab reports.
so every fortnightly i have to rush out 4 lab reports, with assignments, projects, term papers and tests thrown in now and then.
i don't think i'll have much time to shake my leg during recess week.

thankfully i've been spending loads of time with mummy and daddy.
though i think the time with friends has been cut down drastically.
i was complaining to mum about some of my course mates. right now, i'm concentrating in biology alone since serene and angelyn are doing something else. the nus people should know that i'm not scared of reading modules by myself but now i realise that reading core modules alone can really make you feel lonely.
firstly majority of the people have cliques. second, it's hard to enter their cliques. third, some course mates whom you thought would be friendly to you doesn't behave like that.

it's a hard time. imagine doing a project with a group where you're the odd one out. and somehow they make things awkward for both me and themselves. sigh.
but i still stand by my belief that as long as i try, things will work out eventually.

on even weeks when i have only one lecture on 4 out of 5 days, i would have to bear the looks people give me for eating alone. maybe i'm being sensitive but i do feel that they're wondering, "how can someone bear the idea of eating alone in school? so poor thing, no friend is it?" ahhhh for god's sake, is it a crime to eat alone?
it's much easier, faster and convenient. why is everyone embarassed about this?
can anyone enlighten me if there is even an answer for this.

but at the end of the day, what matters is that i'm happy with the modules i'm taking.
i'm not gonna let silly things like having no friends or feeling lonely put a cloud over my choice. besides, i fought so hard to finally be able to read all these modules and the timetable is an endurance test for me.

if only i had done better in the previous semesters so that i can read honours.
still in quite a dilemma over that choice but i still need to improve my CAP by a HUGE margin before that option becomes available to me.

which reminds me, i better go finish my lab report.

2006-08-27T19:42:00.000+08:00

clearing backlog is very difficult but i'll try my best.
so you all have to bear with reading entries that date way back to 3 months ago.

sooo i last blogged after my taiwan trip.
and i had promised photos and an entry about it.
(to think this came way after chin and eleanor's entries even though they went 2 months later)
now *drumrolls* here it is!

and so the story begins in the morning of 30th May 2006.
3 girls hastily made a decision and decided to conquer Taipei!

DAY ONE - 30th MAY 2006

full of enthusiasm, equipped with heavy (ie char's one was almost 20kg!) lugguages and armed with maps, we happily bidded goodbye to our sunny island of Singapore.

alas a heavy cloud loomed over our happiness midway through the 5 hour flight. hungry, thirsty and uncomfortable atop the immensely cramped seats of the budget airline Jetstarasia plane, we started feeling just a little homesick.

but as land started appearing on the window (i took the window seat heh), we got all excited. "Yeah we're on Taiwan ground!", "I can finally eat all the Taiwan snacks I saw on TV!"-related thoughts starting filling our brains as the plane touched down on 中正(ZhongZheng) international airport.

getting our passports stamped and collecting masses of maps from the counter, we took our ride down to the Taipei central city. after conveniently dumping our bags, the ravished girls decided to have a first hand taste of Taiwan's night snacks. we asked the receptionist for the directions to a vegeterian restaurant and headed out promptly without really knowing where to go. and yes, we got lost on the first night! haha but fret not because somehow we managed to walk one whole MTR station away to the 龍三寺(longshansi) area.

along the way, one very interesting thing happened besides our checking out the convenient stores and passing through this really creepy street which we really realised was a "red-light" area. a weird suspicious looking guy passed by and walked towards zhuang, exclaiming: "小妹妹﹐你很可愛!" both of us were shocked and hurriedly pulled zhuang away. later she told us that she had smiled at that man! LOL. zhuang really's a blur sotong.

so even though we couldn't find a vegetarian restaurant, we found a night market instead. and thus we had the first 臭豆腐(stinky tofu) of the trip.

for me, i got really hyped up when i saw all the yummy food in the night market. somehow they were calling out to me. char and i tried almost everything we could afford and believe me, that was where majority of my expenditure went to. and if you were to compare the pictures before and after taiwan trip, both char and i grew fatter! haha.

the above, as recommended by char, is called 肉圓(meat ball). it looks nothing much from the picture but they are really good! considering we were already bloated upon eating this.

this is really good! just simple caramelised strawberry. hot and the strawberry melts into our mouth. *yums* how come they don't sell this over here?

had always wanted to try this ever since i saw it at the japanese fair in takashimaya basement. the taiwanese counterpart is much cheaper and it tastes good too!

other food we tried that we didn't manage to take a picture of include: 抓蔥餅(garlic prata) which is a less oily version of singapore's roti prata. actually we ate much more but i forgot. oops.

after all that sinful food, we decided to take a longer route back and realised that 西門盯(ximending) is just one street right behind our hotel! the subconscious in us started screaming: "SHOPPING!"

DAY TWO - 1st MAY 2006

*to be continued*

2006-08-23T10:54:00.000+08:00

alright, sorry i took so long.

been busy with school lately.
a full week comprising of two 10am and three 8am lectures isn't exactly what you would call an endearing timetable. actually it's far from that.
BUT sometimes (wo)men have to make sacrifices and that is MY sacrifice this semester in order to read the modules i need and want to.
let's not talk about the horrible ordeal i had to deal with the Life Science Operating Centre during the bidding weeks.

yet another thing that's keeping me busy is the planning of my birthday party.
(i'm sure all of you have received the sms invites already)
being the perfectionist that i sometimes can be, it's really frustrating and draining to organise a simple party at home.
right now i'm trying to hone up my culinary skills so at least my guests don't starve to death.

there's actually so much more i wanna update but somehow i just can't manage to put it down into words.
maybe someday soon i'll capture enough 'feeling' to write. maybe.

will be back soon.

2006-08-07T06:00:00.000+08:00

*raises out from the dead*

I'M BACK!!!
and with a spanking new layout!

ah well layout's not all done yet but i just realised it's goddamn 6am.
since i've finally decided to revive my blog so be prepared for some updates.
besides now is a great time for the revival of my blog.
(think: school is everything to bitch about :P)

so folks, no more complains yeah?
i'll be back.

2006-06-05T00:44:00.000+08:00

maybe i'm invisible.

2006-05-25T01:40:00.000+08:00

alright, i feel that i have some explaining to do here.

in response to szeman's tag, no i wasn't being sarcastic.
in what way was i being sarcastic? i certainly didn't see it that way.
but if you thought so then i'm sorry.

secondly, i'll be frank and admit that partially my post was directed to you.
not the whole thing because sometimes, i also get irritated by some other members in 208. maybe i picked the wrong time to voice out this issue, but if you were to ask chin she will know that in fact i had felt that this problem exists long ago.
i had wanted to bring this up during gatherings but the situation didn't allow me to and i didn't want to ruin the fun atmosphere.
your entry had triggered off this entry but i really need to let it off my chest because i've been bearing it for the longest time.
and i had hinted to some people about this issue before but i either get people brushing it off or plain avoiding it. so the only avenue for me is then my blog.

as chin said, 208 has been friends for almost 8 years.
8 years of friendship; and we're close friends for goodness sake.
what is it with all the fluffy and cheery talk amongst each other?
why is it that we can only deal with the happy and good stuff and not the bad ones?
to me, that makes our friendship very superficial.
besides, lately our topics have been revolving around crushes, relationships etc. i don't know why but i'm quite bored of it. isn't there more that we can share about our life? is that all our life revolve around?

we are all just afraid to tell each other how we feel about each other.
why are we so sensitive towards being offensive to each other? in any way, i don't feel it offensive because if i bothered to tell you it means i care about you.
rather somehow i think that being careful around each other just builds up walls and that means we do not trust each other enough.
also this just means that you don't want to feel awkward and in some way, it's simply a form of self protection.

i was hoping more people would speak up about this post when i wrote it.
maybe some people saw it and chose to turn a blind eye. maybe they feel this problem doesn't exist in the first place.

i'd like to say that i bear no hard feelings and likewise hope that you don't bear any for me after reading this post. also this is NOT a personal attack directed at anyone in particular.

this is just a plain entry about me speaking my mind.
if i don't say it now, i still will anyway.
so why not now?

-edit-
let me clarify something.
the purpose of this post, firstly is to speak my mind and secondly is me hoping that i can finally get answers about the honesty issue.
right now i'm not dictating anyone to shed their mask and bare their hearts out to one another. i just want to know about how we feel about this issue. negative or positive answer, i accept. if you agree, we can gradually work on it but if you don't then i accept that you think that it's best left this way.

2006-05-24T17:22:00.000+08:00

i just wanted to be honest about this.

does a true friendship require honesty around each other?
that's what i believe in and somehow things have reached a point where i feel that i should say this about my closest bunch of friends.

true that we're very close and all but i always have a problem about the level of honesty in the group.
maybe some would call it being tactful but i don't like it when you pretend that, for example it's all fine when in fact someone's character has been irritating you.
i think that friends should share with each other their faults and flaws. how else would anyone find out then?
the reasonable solution would be to deliver it in a polite and nice way.

i don't know how many people would agree with me.
don't call me mean but this is what i'll try to do in the future.

-EDIT-

"没有人会对自己不在乎的人提出忠告。
最刺耳的话是最为你着想而诚实的话﹐
因为他相信你会懂。"
- 惡魔在身邊

a quote recycled from my earlier entry to reiterate my point.
makes utter sense to me and hopefully to others too.

2006-05-18T02:14:00.000+08:00

alright, alright... i'm back, ok?

sorry for that wayyyy overdue hiatus.
you know sometimes when you decide you want to blog, log on to blogger and click on "create post". when the page loads up and you suddenly realise that you've got so much to write and you don't know how to go about starting it.
the so-called, information overload huh.
yeah, i'm currently like that.

(as you can see) i've fixed some of my image hosting issues so everything's looking pinky again like the past.
i do want to blog about the taiwan trip but there's so much to write and so many pictures to compile that my inertia's telling me to postpone it.
honestly i've been quite sick of telling everyone i've met, online and offline about my taiwan adventures so maybe when i'm in a better mood?
but i'll do it! you have my promise :)

>>> just so you know, trip photos are viewable under here (my camera), here (XQ camera) and here (char camera). <<<

have been taking a backseat ever since the taiwan trip.
my day basically revolves around sleeping, playing ff7, watching tv and anime, surfing the net and reading novels.
only till tuesday did i get up and start my excercise regime.
and finally went job hunting yesterday.

let's not talk about the nitty gritty details of my everyday life because it'll definitely bore everyone to death.
so can i talk about the thing that's on my mind every minute --- my eye candy?

actually i'm feeling like a dumbass for being so obsessed about my eye candy.
i'm sure chin must be grating her teeth and saying for what-seems-like-the-dunno-how manyth-time that "love is not wrong". (i find her justification hilarious though)
but isn't it really stupid for liking someone whom you don't know at all? and possibly have no chance of getting to know too.

and sometimes i think that he stares and looks back at me.
the dumbest thing is i never dared to look back or pretend that i didn't see it.
shucks, now i feel like such a wimp.
or maybe that's just because i'm over reading his reactions or that he simply stares at me because we see each other around too much and thus the "oh it's that girl again" reaction.

sighs i'm really going nuts.
when i'm actually losing sleep thinking about this.

expected endings cease to exist in my reality.
only in dreams do they take shape.

2006-04-25T14:55:00.000+08:00

i'm so tired of studying.
the feeling where you felt like you've just overcome a major hurdle and superbly relieved. then you realise in fact, there's so much more ahead and the sinking feeling reemerges.

that's the NUS system.
you simply have to plod plod plod all through the semester and the real end is only when the final exams are all over.
i'd have to salute the muggers who can keep up with this system.

two.
just that number of papers and days to endure.

i'm trying real hard right now to regain my momentum.
firstly, i'm mentally and physically worn out.
secondly, i'm very distracted.

about what... hmmm maybe chin would know.
i just feel really silly but can't help myself.
and the reason why there's no progress is because i myself refused to step out of my comfort zone. so each and every time, i can only stand afar and look. while hoping for something to happen.

sighs i'm such a failure.
i have the gut feeling that this time it'll end up with the same results as it did with the previous instances.
all because i refused to do anything more.

that aside, i'm super darn excited about the taiwan trip.
though the weather's quite a bummer but when i think of the food, shopping, hot springs and that fact that i'll be finally visiting jay chou's hometown, everything's so worth it. (even though it means relegating my bank account status back to the single digit state T_T)
and it'll be my first ever friends-only trip. yay!

my prior experience tells me that holidays is the time when you're in high risk of being reduced to bankrupt status. (applies exclusively to me)
i better start hunting for a job real soon.

now it's back to studies and more studies.

2006-04-20T20:19:00.000+08:00

NEW LAYOUT!

jane knows me too well. and she's so damn right.
not too surprised by myself doing frivalous things at this crucial period.
if i were to seriously sit down and mug, then something's really wrong with me.
gah, a leopard never changes its spots. same applies to lazy slackers.

i know it's too pink.
hope no one gets zoned out by the pink-ness.

just wanna express my love for ouran at this moment.
i seriously luuurve that show sooooo much. <3 <3 <3
it's like a godsend gift to get me roaring in laughter at this stressful time.

everyone, go watch OURAN HIGH SCHOOL now!
(tip: go to youtube and search for "ouran")

2006-04-17T13:52:00.000+08:00

"Does it hurt more
not knowing what you want,

or does it hurt more
knowing what you want and yet can't achieve it?"

a quote i recycled from my older entry.
which one do you think hurts more?

i know i never cease to talk about that topic time and time again.
but that quote really does strike a chord with me.

i think i belong to both categories.
archaelogy's being my love and what i really want to do.
but i can't achieve it, or more like i'm beyond reach.

leading to this situation of being directionless.
if someone asked me this question, "why are you studying life sciences?"
i don't think i'll be able to give an answer.
truth is i just jumped on the bandwagon and half convinced myself that i love biology.

people say that if you believe, it'll come true.
i want to believe but the conviction's not there.
maybe i'm too cynical. maybe too idealistic. i don't know.

------------------------------------

dropping that moody issue, chin was commenting how funny our past entries were. we were reading each other's entries dating back to 2 years and surprised at how childish we sounded.

kinda miss the days when we'll blog about nothing in particular.
like how we are exhilarated at the new naruto manga release, whining about being bored at home, grumbling about our shopping expenditure etc.
now most of our blog contents comprise of school school and more school.
seems like there's nothing else constructive to say. =(

and in 2 years, so many things have changed.
i wonder how much i have changed.

anyway sorry x 1000 to chin for "flying kite".
hontoni gomenasai.

2006-04-13T15:46:00.000+08:00

tsk tsk.
birds of the same feathers really flock together huh.
like jun, i'm guilty of updating my blog more frequently during exams.
likewise for chin and zhuang. we're really best buddies =)

last day of school.
*takes a minute to heave a huge sigh of relief*
today's tests were, how should i describe it, BAD.
the good start for jap oral was ruined at the end when my partner and i forgot what we had to say for the dialogue.
and metabolism test, hmmm i'm just glad at least i managed to get some correct answers.

and the nightmare starts from here.
even when i've overcome numerous nightmares the past semester.
now i just have to finish up my 30% lab report before the books start to terrorise me.

i realised that ever since i've stepped into university, my memory's deterioating.
the photographic memory of the past, when i could actually memorise entire paragraphs from history texts, is gone.
sometimes it gets so bad that i lose myself in the midst of a sentence.
oh no, is it just me? or have university speed up the degeneration process of our brain cells?

cherlyn asked me a question i've never given much thought before.
"what would you do if today was your LAST day in school?"
by LAST, i mean last in the literal sense (during graduating year).
actually i didn't know how to answer her.
yeah sure i'll feel happy and all since i've been dying to get out of NUS the moment i got in. but somehow i'm sure i'll miss the varsity days when i'm out working. just like how i was almost positive i wouldn't miss TJC but that nostalgia retains no matter how nightmarish it was.
oh ya, maybe i'll miss my eye candy too. haha.
(i wonder if i could stop talking about eye candy for one day.)

damn you eye candy.
why do you keep appearing in front of me?
why do you make my stomach tangle into knots?
why do i feel stupid stealing glances at you?
why do i sometimes think you also steal glances at me?

why do i not know you?

IF ONLY.
i think i own too many if onlys.

2006-04-10T15:19:00.000+08:00

a birthday collage for dearie leeloo
(i think this will be customary)

so far no one in 208's had a big big party celebration.
thus the first one i've ever been to was alex's last saturday.
now lex, hurry send me the photos so i can be nice and do a collage for you.

lately i just can't get eye candy out of my head.
he's just supposed to be an eye candy, not some crush/infatuation.
i mean how on earth can someone be so obsessed over somebody whom she doesn't know the name, personality, etc?
maybe because i see him every other day. especially at times when i least expect it.

i've never been like this before.
the minimum was that i at least knew my crushes or semi acquainted in some way.
this one's just a total stranger. what's wrong with me?
hope this doesn't mean that i'm too desperate. T_T

alright, last week of school.
my textbooks, notes, readings are all waiting to be touched.
well every semester i'll proclaim myself away from computer during this period.
but knowing myself, i'll definitely log on every other day to whine and digress.

so pray that you don't see too much of me here soon alright?
aja aja everyone.

2006-04-06T00:05:00.000+08:00

why is it always about school?

butterflies knotting in my stomach already, amazingly. at this time.
the horror just trudges closer and closer.
and my head threatens to split open very soon.

had thought that the taiwan trip could help soothe tensions a lil.
yes but yet it adds another problem to the list - finances.
(still pissed that i missed progress package by mere months, gah)
and now another quibble with the folks at home.
so timely when i'm feeling damn shit-ified after enduring countless bouts of cramps, abnormal bowel movements and lack of sleep.
why can't they understand? why can't they trust me more?
and when can they ever learn to motivate me for once?

eye candy's been keeping my spirits high in school.
but now i'm not sure if that's sufficient anymore.

dreadful.
i wish it could all end soon.

2006-03-24T02:56:00.000+08:00

food for thought from the drama my name is kim sam soon,

춤추라, 아무도 바라보고 있지 않은 것처럼.
Dance like no one is watching.
사랑하라, 한번도 상처받지 않은 것처럼.
Love like you've never been hurt.
노래하라, 아무도 듣고 있지 않은것처럼.
Sing like no one is listening.
일하라, 돈이빌요하지 않은 것처럼.
Work like you don't need the money.
살라, 오늘이 마지막 날인 것처럼.
Live life every day as if it were your last.

2006-03-21T23:16:00.000+08:00

this sugar rush

two doses, more than enough to satisfy my sweeth tooth
and get me on a massive sugar rush.
tis a wonderful sensation, leaving me wanting more.
yet i wished you were more than just candy.

좋아해요~
joahaeyo~

2006-03-10T19:41:00.000+08:00

*clears cobwebs*

the intense hell-ish weeks are here.
and not ending anytime soon.
so i am not expecting myself to blog unless i've got something to whine about.

life can be so unpredictable sometimes.
like how just few months back my godpa is still healthy and all.
and few days ago, we got a call from godma that he's hospitalised with a stroke.
likewise for another old friend who's diagnosed with leukemia recently.

i wonder if god selectively bestows hardships.
or life just wanted to be mean to you somehow.

and upon seeing how these two people try to overcome a down period in their lives, i think mine is probably far more easier to overcome than theirs.
so next time i whine about my predicament, someone please give me a wake up call.

not the best of time (as usual) but i'm addicted to this drama called goong right now.

never expected to be this obsessed over a K-drama but well...
this happened to come at the right time i needed some stress-busters.

because right now i have absolutely no brain juice to write something coherent.
so here's a "fill-me-up" stolen from jo's blog.

7 dreams before death:
1. to know the feeling of loving and being loved.
2. to buy a house for myself and my parents.
3. to travel to egypt, europe and japan (or even better => the whole world!)
4. to own at least one golden retriever.
5. have enough money so i can build a school in cambodia.
6. to be a mother (ie have a family)
7. to master the japanese language (and possibly more)

7 things i cant do at this lifetime:
1. to stop eating chocolates.
2. to stop loving my parents and beloved friends.
3. to fulfil my desire of having a model's figure.
4. to stop biting my nails when i'm nervous, haha.
5. to swoon over tall cute guys^^
6. turn back time to undo my regrets.
7. not feel apprehensive about my future.

7 things that attract me:
1. the height (~178cm and above)
2. the smile
3. able to play the piano
4. maturity level that is acceptable
5. sense of humour
6. to have opinions
7. a goal in life

7 things i say:
1. so tired
2. JIE LUN~
3. i want to sleep
4. huh
5. don't know
6. oh my god
7. shit

7 books that i love:
1. lord of the rings series
2. to kill a mockingbird
3. the curious incident of the dog in night-time
4. shopaholic series
5. the belgariad series
6. the chronicles of narnia series
7. roald dahl's stories

7 movies that i love:
1. lord of the rings trilogy
2. dirty dancing 2
3. forrest gump
4. finding neverland
5. hayao miyazaki's works
6. nobody knows
7. brokeback mountain

tags: anyone who's read this.

2006-03-02T16:14:00.000+08:00

since i've been tagged by chin and jane.

Four things/people that make me smile:
1. my eye candy
2. my parents' silly antics
3. golden retrievers
4. my wonderful friends

Four ways to win my heart:
1. compose a song and play it on the piano for me
2. truly love me for who i am
3. make me laugh and feel loved
4. buy me a goldie this very instant (haha)

Four things I believe in:
1. that the one for me is somewhere out there
2. passion is critical in success
3. being homosexual is not wrong
4. total freedom is not possible

Four things I am afraid of:
1. making a wrong decision
2. accomplishing nothing out of my life
3. failing my university tests and exams
4. getting fat

Four things I do everyday:
1. observe (or should i say stalk my eye candy haha)
2. whine at my parents
3. websurf for the most ridiculous things
4. forever digressing from what i need to do

Four things/people I want to see now:
1. a golden retriever pup in my room (note: the real deal)
2. an exponential increase in my bank account figure
3. mountain of dark chocolate
4. my dearies 208

(not tagging since almost everyone's being tagged already.)

phew.
dreadful test's over and done with.
though i already know that i will either fail or just scrap through since all the expected answers have been dealt with.
but whatever. i tried my best for the past 2 days and that's what matters.

hopefully i won't revert back to my 'holiday' mode after this.
since the upcoming weeks still spell more fretful tests and assignments.
but this weekend i can resume my enjoyable regime of swimming.
just like how chin is so enchanted with her surf board, i love my swimsuit (it sounds sick i know) and the chlorine water.

more to come later when i get home.
ciao for now.

2006-03-01T20:14:00.000+08:00

the clouds have drifted off...
a sunny sky once again.

thanks everyone for the encouraging words.
even though i'm forever whining about this problem and not attempting hard to resolve it.
i'm feeling so much better now. after letting it all out.

thus begins the time of the semester where everyone starts pulling their hair out.
the going gets tough but i'm so glad to have my wonderful parents and friends with me.
aja aja fighting everyone!

coming back to think about it, i actually enjoyed some of my modules this semester.
regardless of the crazy weekly quizzes and all, japanese lessons are so much fun.
laughing at each other's mistakes in class and stuttering all the time :)
arts of se asia revived that teeny weeny little artist in me even though i'm forever being picked on in tutorial class (nicknames like science girl and big boy).
and best of all, i enjoy one of my core modules very much.
besides having the hilarious 'amazing race' sisters as my main source of entertainment in practicals, i do find myself consciously working hard for this module.

yay. maybe this is a good start.
though a little too late (golly i'm ending year 2 already).
hopefully that would constitute a Neil Armstrong's "giant leap for mankind" for me.

oh pray tell, it would happen.

2006-02-27T14:25:00.000+08:00

not the best time to be making a major update.
but WTH, midterm's already wasted so what's the big deal with a few hours?

last i blogged, i was whining about the lack of CNY clothes.
well CNY came and went without much problems.
though my paycheck and the hongbao money fattened up my measly bank account a little.

which prompted the shopping monster in me to wage war on the yahoo auctions.
my stash includes 4 tees, 1 jacket, 1 pumps, 4 bags, 1 wallet and counting.
i'm so terrible right?

celebrated the coming of age for one of us in the month of january.

and sent off two of us overseas.
will miss you, homo and chun :)

and these past months 208's been meeting up quite a bit.
(which i'm so darn happy about)
our first CNY reunion dinner compliments of dearie zhuang and her family.
and all the various chill-out and swimming sessions.
(go catch brokeback mountain. it's great.)

everyone's getting busy. likewise for me.
but i could never conjure up sufficient motivation for studying.
let's not mention about wasting the entire midterm.
i have absolutely no self control especially at times when i should.
is this what you call as the rebellious streak?
but goddammit i'm almost 21, not some spunky teenager.

the presence of mum and dad 24/7 just makes things worse.
now i see them so much since they are currently jobless.
on one hand, i'm guilty for not doing any work.
the another hand, i just feel like cutting off their incessant nagging.

the biggest blow came when i found out about my test result.
darn this time i studied hard ok.
so demoralising.

i've been convincing myself so hard all these time that i'm doing the right thing.
all i want is some results that can encourage me to spur on.
but every single time i'm disappointed.
is it because i don't put in enough hard work compared to others?
or maybe i just suck at my major?
i really don't know the answers anymore.

march and april's gonna be hell-ish months.
i just hope by then i don't give up.

so worn out.

2006-02-27T13:55:00.000+08:00

FYI, i'm not dead.

not that i didn't try. i worked hard this time.
but the results just don't seem to come.
i'm not asking for a lot --- just to be among the average.
and scrolling among the entire list just breaks my heart even more.

i'm so devastated.
is there any more reason for me to try any longer?

i'm tired.

2006-01-22T22:34:00.000+08:00

back from a shopping trip which was supposed to be happy and cheery.

was supposed to.
till i had argued with mum minutes ago.

it's all over some stupid issue of buying CNY clothes.
i'm blaming her for rebuking me when i complain about having no time to shop.

which is true, on my side.
firstly, all my shopping time last week was given to szeman's present.
secondly, all the school work kept me essentially busy.
thirdly, the reds bestowed me a cramp that made me grouchy and ache 24/7.

so what was i to do?
EVERY SINGLE year i'd have this stupid fucking problem.

i hate all the designers out there that think all girls are petite in nature.
what about the plus size girls huh? don't we cut a share of the consumer market?
and i HATE it when all the skinny girls start complaining that they can't find NICE clothes.
WTF. you're spoilt for choice and still whine about it?
why not i stuff you into the body of a plus size girl and let you understand what it truly means by CAN'T FIND NICE CLOTHES?

i'm trying very hard not to be picky about my clothes.
but each time i find something nice, i CAN'T fit into it.
what's the whole damn fucking point?

i should just cut a rug and wrap myself up.
then i wouldn't be fuming over such a stupid issue.

i'm not someone who endorses "skinny is pretty".
but i'm slowly succumbing to that idea.

i'll be lying through my teeth if i were to declare that the main reason i'm trying to lose weight because i want to be fit.
partially yes, but which girl doesn't want to look pretty?
i wanna ditch that disappointment of being unable to fit into something you adore.
and be given the choice instead.

2006-01-18T23:52:00.000+08:00

RANTING TIME.

i'm already feeling overwhelmed at the 2nd week of semester.
when my timetable is not even half as hectic as it would be after tutorials start next week.

the early classes are draining my energy away.
and the workload never seems to lessen.

3 weekly quizzes, 1 weekly lab report.
just the appetizer out of the meal.

i'm not looking forward to the second half of the semester at all.

plus it's that time of the month again.

and so utterly awesome that aside from the annoying PMS-ish behaviour, i have to endure the supplementary cramps. gah.

sheesh. i wonder how long i can keep up my positive outlook.
may this week be over soon.

2006-01-15T01:49:00.000+08:00

sunshine after the rain.
and i'm enjoying every radiating glow from the sun.

the past week's worth of rain kept me in a lazy mood.
so today, the rain having kept off by the glorious sun...
finally made me mustered enough energy to clean up my room.

ok mine isn't the big operation sort like jane's.
(i bet hers must have been a pig sty, heh)
it was way overdue since the end of exams and in lieu with the upcoming chinese new year.

whenever i do a major cleanup, i'll never miss flipping through old photos.
those were really old (childhood-jc) since the newest photos are in digital form.
and it's always really funny to see how much we've changed physically.
all of us look so dorky, haha.

my fave picture ever.

my dad's so hilarious right?

first week in school was relatively ok.
still a little unused to waking up early and attending lectures.
but i must keep my positive attitude.

shouts: "aja aja hwaiting!"

and i acquired this sweet little furry companion yesterday.

so cuddly. *squeals*
i'm gonna bring it everywhere i go.
dad's relieved that this little fellow eased up my tirade of whining over buying a golden retriever.

well dad, yes i'm distracted. at the moment.
but i will not forget that i want the real thing.

2006-01-11T00:04:00.000+08:00

Overdue Entry Part II
(don't worry, there won't be part III)

well i've more or less covered the events in the past month.
my memory's a little stunted now so i may have missed something.

let me do a review on my holiday "To Do" list.

~~- watching harry potter on 23 nov.~~
~~- JCNET bbq on 2 dec.~~
- lapping up good reads.
- swimming!
~~- KTV.~~
~~- anime/VCD/DVD marathon.~~ < strictly speaking, not really counted.
~~- playing FFVII.~~
~~- time with friends.~~
~~- overdued retail therapy.~~
~~- time with family.~~

not too bad, i guess.
didn't have the time to visit the library much so no good reads.
plus was lazy to go swimming during my off days.
now that i wanna go, it rains the entire day.

brrrr... speaking of rain.
i can't stand the rainy season.
it makes me gloomy and lazy. can i have the sun back please?

visited the dentist recently and not too happy about it.
i know my dental visit is way overdued since 5 years ago.
and not too surprised when the dentist informed me that i had 4 cavities.
but i didn't expect her to fill them all up in less than 10 minutes.
let's just say that her attitude wasn't all that good too.

hours later, had very bad throbbing toothache.
i suspected that she may have missed out on her filling somewhere so i had to call and fix another appointment.

she got really irritated when mum pointed out that she may have missed out a hole.
i mean anyone would feel that way if she'd only spent so little time on the fillings.
she insisted on an x-ray and it turns out that she's right.
the ache is not caused by a cavity but by raw nerve endings.
so in the end, i am faced with the choice of forking out almost $900 to extract my tooth nerves or just bear with the pain.

i chose the latter and it was a wise choice.
because the pain subsided a few days later.
i'm not gonna hand my money to a money-grabbing dentist. bleah.

results were out last december.
wouldn't say i do too well because i didn't manage to maintain my score.
but wells, i did improve and performed slightly better than i expected.
so gotta work much harder next semester.

dreary cors bidding's over.

will be taking
LSM2101 Metabolism & Regulation
LSM2102 Molecular Biology
LSM2202 Experimental Molecular & Cell Biology
SE2214 Arts of Southeast Asia
LAJ1201 Japanese 1

sooo happy i'm able to squeeze in japanese this semester.
but i had to throw so much bid points for my arts modules.
my general account's kinda sucked dry now.

school's starting tomorrow and i'm so dreading it.
yet another vicious cycle continues.
but come late april, the 3 month holidays await.

i'm gonna start thinking positive from now on :)

2006-01-10T22:42:00.000+08:00

Overdue Entry Part I

paiseh, everyone.
i'd promise one update eons ago but erm...
let's just take it as i was too busy? *coughs

it ain't possible for me to write (in detail) everything that happened over the past month right?
the best i can offer is a summarized recap of the important events.

*WARNING: LONG & GRAPHIC-INTENSIVE ENTRY AHEAD

#1 // working at pet safari

besides fattening my bank account a 'lil and freezing to death at the store, the one-month stint as a salesgirl rekindled my intense adoration for dogs.
though sitting around for 9 hours isn't exactly what i like, what kept me alive was all the doggies that came to the store.

i'll avoid any comments about bosses, staff, company etc (the blogosphere isn't exactly that private) but i can only say that i love the dogs more than the people there :)

let the picture do the talking.

#2 // movie magic

caught 2/3 movies on my "To Watch" list.
King Kong unexpectedly made me choke with tears and Narnia fueled my wish to finish reading Lewis' entire chronicle.

#3 // KTV goodness

two very wholesome KTV sessions with zhuang and alex/jane respectively.
it's just great to scream your lungs out. especially after the stressful exams and equally painful job.

didn't manage to take any pictures with zhuang cos i don't think we brought camera.
but i can vividly remember that we sang for almost 10 hours straight!
setting a whole new KTV-ing record for me. gonna be hard to break this one.

with jane and alex, it was really funny.
lex even bought us x'mas pressie - some grass monster.

we're supposed to water it until the seeds germinate and grass grows out.
i was apprehensive about growing plants since almost every plant i bought died.
but turns out this was relatively easy to grow because...

TADA it looks like this now.

it's so easy to grow to the extent that random grasses sprout out all over.
now my monster's even spotting a green whisker. *woots

besides the grass monster, alex bestowed on us a set of limited edition neoprint stickers featuring the renowned Wonder-Face Lex.

i'm honoured to announce that this set of neoprint stickers will make its first ever appearance on my blog.

so hold your breaths everyone, and behold the spectacle that is to be unveiled.

.
.
.
.

TADA!!!

LOL.
Wonder-Face Lex indeed lives up to his name of being the 8th world wonder.

#4 // lotsa retail therapy

after curbing expenditure for months, it was time to unleash the shopping monster in me. wahahaha.
went on lots of shopping trips and one really well deserved trip to a boat quay flea market but didn't buy much actually.
can't really compare when you have people like szeman and chin beside you, =P.

christmas lightings in orchard weren't that nice this year.
save for the huge tree in front of paragon featured in this picture.
the rest were like just mediocre. kinda sad yeah?

oooh cotton candy...
what a nostalgic thing of the past.
not that they're extinct now but we hardly ever eat it anymore.

#5 // festive season

and of course, december's the festive month.
with the joyous christmas on the 25th.

popped over to charmaine's for x'mas eve party.
but the bummmer was that i had work that day so i could only reach at 9pm.
when all the yummy food's almost gone and all the camera whores had enough of modelling in front of the camera. *tears

christmas with 208 is forever fun :)
besides the tradition of exchanging presents, we had our girls' gossip night where plentiful of relevations were exchanged.
(and i got Choya Umeshu as my pressie, thanks leeloo dearie.)

this year's christmas was great compared to last year.
not that i wanna draw a comparison but the contrast is so huge.
imagine puking and left all alone in a room compared to having 10 good friends beside you.
i'm so glad everything turned out for the better.

and just 5 days later, it's the dawning of a new year!

as usual i had work on new year eve which was a bummer (but it's the last day!)
met up with chin/szeman/zhuang to watch fireworks at the esplanade.
plus what made me really exhilarated was that this year mummy and daddy were with me to usher in the new year :)

were squashed like mad by the crowd but the fireworks were worth it.
i just wish the irksome perverts and foam sprays would disappear and everything would be perfect. what a spoiler.

anyways we proceeded back to my house to play bridge the whole night.
and dragged our feets to bugis to take a neoprint.
(pic found in zhuang's blog)

TO BE CONTINUED in PART 2>>>

2006-01-10T03:05:00.000+08:00

ankh is finally back...

with a bang!

new layout to welcome the new year.
(and also a dedication to my current obsession FFVII)

too tired to write a proper entry.
i promise it'll be up by tomorrow.

watch this space.

2005-12-29T02:59:00.000+08:00

Ok, i know i know.
so sorry for the lack of updates.

i swear that i'll update everything (if i can actually remember) next week.
when my stint at the pet shop ends.
so be patient. plus i'm not dead.
you gotta give me time to sort out all the details and beautify the photos first. ^__^

this year's christmas was in fact much better than the previous.
though i miss the feeling of receiving x'mas cards.
recalling those times in secondary school where as early as the start of the month, i'll be eagerly anticipating envelopes addressed to me in my letter box.

it's just not the same as e-cards/smses.

i think with the advancing technology, the warmness in people are gradually being lost too.
in the past, i can remember telephone numbers without my mobile.
we converse on the phone and hear each other's voices.

i don't like how everything seems to be so easy now.
sending an e-card is just a few clicks away.
it takes away the supposed effort and sincerity in the traditional paper cards.

geez, i really think i love living in the past.

2005-12-16T02:25:00.000+08:00

sorry.
i promised to blog about work more than one week ago.
and i still haven't gotten down to it.
but i swear that i will do it real soon.

been busy with work and JCNET winter games.

3 days break may seem a lot but not when you're working from 12-9.
when work ends, shops are closed and everyone's gotten their fill of dinner.
so now i feel like i have no social life.
and not really fufiling much of my ambitious TO-DO LIST. *cries

plus the fact that this week i have to work on sunday.
oh boy, i'm really starved for some slacking time.

2005-12-07T02:29:00.000+08:00

a week since i last heaved a sigh of relief to mark the end of exams.

a range of activites from then on.
zouk mambo on wed, window shopping on thurs, jcnet bbq on fri, shopping again on sat and finally blading on sun.

which marks the end of my leisure activities.
i started work yesterday at pet safari.
will be working on mondays, thursdays, fridays and saturdays.
more thoughts about the job and workplace later.

enjoy the photos for now.

2005-11-29T15:12:00.000+08:00

i really want to give up.

how can i bear this for 3 more times?

2005-11-29T12:52:00.000+08:00

obssessed with this game at orisinal.
it's called bugs.

no it's not scary.
if you're thinking of bugs as in the creepy crawlers.

instead it's full of multi-coloured lady buggies.
oooh i love lady buggies, they're soooo cute!

^ soooo cute right?

i see those cutie lady buggies and i'll squeal in delight.
even the little girl looks so cute. her smiley face when she jumps.
my antidote for the stress from the last paper.

go play it here.

2005-11-29T01:19:00.000+08:00

a break from my recluse.
but i needed to blog this out.
lest it takes a toll on my studying mentality.

it's crazy.
especially at this point in time.
to have an argument with mummy.
over the same old issue of being direction-less.

and in a fit of anger, i told mum that this is not what i want to do.
that i'm merely following their wishes.
and that they've been putting a lot of invisible stress on me.
me being their only daughter and to share the fiancial burden in the future.

as expected, mum retaliated with a lot of rebukes.
including one that hurt so much.
she said that i was the one who made the choice.
i could have disregard their wishes and went along with my ideals.
it was my fault and not theirs.

i probably hurt her earlier by my insensitive proclamations.
which is why it provoked such a huge backlash from her.
so i can't blame her even though it broke my heart.

maybe i'm being selfish.
trying to force my ideals all the time.
maybe they're also being selfish.
by wanting me to follow whatever they hope for.

it's hard to accept but mum's right.
the choice is made. by me.
so i have to go through it.

but perhaps, what i really need and want from such exchanges are,
words of comfort.
words of encouragement.
a caring front.
so that at least it can further my self conviction.

that i'm doing the right thing.

1 day more.
:)

2005-11-26T03:47:00.000+08:00

one last post before i become a temporary recluse.

some photos dating from few days and weeks back.

well it's not "adios, alex" anymore but "welcome back!"
though i loved the gathering that day because it's been ages since i saw some of them. especially mel who gave us a shocking relevation^^

and this one's the last time i'll see becky until next year. *sobs
taking a break from exams was shiok.
as i expected, harry potter 4 didn't thrill me much.

gee i just realised i wore the same top.
either i like the top too much or an indication of not enough clothes.
hmmm the latter sounds like a good reason to justify retail therapy :)

the reason for my reclusion is simple.
the laptop, once switched on is a permanent distraction.
my last paper is of utmost importance so i decided to excercise some self-control here.
besides, i'll be better off not seeing all the elated MSN nicks.
("i'm a free bird", "finally over" etc)

4 days more.
:)

2005-11-24T16:36:00.000+08:00

this is so frustrating.

i just accidentally spilled water over my notes.
notes that i wrote with an ink pen.
notes that i painstakingly spent over 12 hours watching webcasts.
notes that smudged like shit.

fucking irritating.
how much worse can it get?

i had meant to blog about the happier stuff recently.
which i totally lost the mood to do so now.

2005-11-22T01:25:00.000+08:00

i don't even wanna talk about today's paper.
i'm starting to get nightmares about getting the crappy results like last year.
and i'm not even talking about getting As.
i just wish to maintain my CAP of 3.3, so is that really difficult?

once again my mood's down in the pits.
it sucks when you put in effort and in the end it turns out like crap.
that's why i'll rather not put in the effort in the first place.
so at least you don't get this shitty feeling in the aftermath.

and tv just had to remind me about how aimless i am.
how i landed up in NUS majoring in life sciences in a blur.
how i admire people with ambitions in life.
or at least when asked about their career choice, they can give an answer.
it's definitely better than someone who merely shrugs it off.

i'm tired.
not just of the exams but of life in general.
is wanting a purpose-driven life very idealistic?
or am i not the only one feeling this way too?

i really don't know anymore.

2005-11-20T00:51:00.000+08:00

random picture.

my beloved mr bean bear.
looking desolate and lonely.
against the green of the wall.

me: "don't worry mr bearie. i'll have time for you when my exams are done."
bear: *silent*

2005-11-20T00:27:00.000+08:00

i was right.
today's paper is utter crap.
thank god i s/u-ed it.
and i was smart enough not to pay it too much attention.

after monday, i will have more breathing space.
right now i need sleep.
and my daily dosage of JCNET.
(why is the server down?)

ok enough procastination.
back to my stats.

i can do this.

11 days more.
:)

2005-11-18T05:38:00.000+08:00

finally gotten my act together.

i actually sat down the entire day to study.
call it a miracle or what, but i'm proud of myself.
i just hope it doesn't end up being a one-day wonder.

me to mental self: "perseverance is king!"

13 days more.
:)

2005-11-16T15:43:00.000+08:00

rant #1

why is Jay having an autograph session in Malaysia and not here too?
argh why why why?
we're separated by a mere bridge and just a 6-hour drive away.
why doesn't he come to fulfil my wish?
i can even forsake my exams.
WHY??? *in agony

rant #2

why do i lack self-discipline?
i don't have any motivating factor to push myself to study.
every 10 mins or so, my eyes wander off to my laptop.
at this rate, i'm gonna suffer from yet another anxiety attack on the eve of each exam day.

and all i can think about now is why Jay isn't coming to Singapore to hold an autograph session.

i can only describe myself in one word.
deranged.

2005-11-16T13:29:00.000+08:00

wahahaha.
i'm not crazy but check out this incredulous exam format.

3 sections (30 minutes each)

1st section
out of 10 questions, choose 3.
(10 minutes for each question)

2nd section
one question.
(30 minutes)

1 hour into the exam, you'll have to watch an anime.
(lasts ~30 minutes)

3rd section
one question about analysing the anime.
(30 minutes)

watching an anime during an exam?
LOL.
i'm seriously rendered speechless by the lecturer.
i guess my lab partner will probably have something to say about this.

starting my first exam with a bang.
rather looking forward to it :)

2005-11-15T02:09:00.000+08:00

the past week was suffocating.
to the point that regular work only officially ended on sunday morning.
and i broke my record of staying in school to finish up.

can say i'm kinda disorientated.
haven't sat down and properly do work yet.
when my first exam starts this saturday.

my exam timetable
19 nov - JS2213 popular culture in contemporary japan
21 nov - ST2238 introductory biostatistics
26 nov - LSM2104 essential bioinformatics and biocomputing
30 nov - LSM2103 cell biology

looks really short compared to ntu students.
i'm thankful for this sem's arrangements.
though there was a 'lil sacrifice for taking one non-examinable module.
it drove me nuts during regular term.

enough about examinations and the other morbid stuff.

i'm so proud to extend my congratulations to:

Mr. Jay Chou
2005 Golden Horse Awards Best Newcomer

well i'm happy for him but not particularly happy myself.
not gonna launch into reasoning in case i bore everyone to death.
ask me if you're interested to know.

i'm trying not to whine but i can't wait for the holidays.

looking forward to:
- watching harry potter on 23 nov.
- JCNET bbq on 2 dec.
- lapping up good reads.
- swimming!
- KTV.
- anime/VCD/DVD marathon.
- playing FFVII.
- time with friends.
- overdued retail therapy.
- time with family.

16 days more.
:)

2005-11-01T12:47:00.000+08:00

yay.
today's the day for November Chopin collection.
*whoops around in joy

well i actually didn't wanna blog about this.
but because it happened twice in succession.
so my tolerance level has been breached.

so how should i start?
last friday was at NUS central library
and using the linc catalogue machine,
when this black guy came over and started talking.
he basically spoke so fast i couldn't catch him,
i thought he was reprimanding me for hogging the machine.
turns out he was doing a self-intro and now asking for my name.
got stunned a bit but i ignored him after telling him.
"i see joyce doesn't wanna talk to me"
i dunno why in the world i said sorry to the above line.
he proceeded to walk away. phew.

yesterday's case was a lot more dangerous.
got up the upper deck of the number 10 bus,
and this old uncle turned around to stare at me.
i thought it was nothing until he ran over and sat next to me,
claiming that i look like his niece.
he then proceeded to ask me truckloads of questions,
and lied about getting off the bus soon.
so i stupidly told him i was going to school.
he went down in shenton way so i thought phew i'm safe.
turns out he only went to the lower deck and he came up again.
and now he's going to the same place as me (the last stop!)

omg.
he kept trying to ask for my number and name,
through a number of means.
the most ridiculous one was trying to introduce his son to me.
"my son's very handsome and tall. you give me your number and i'll intro to you.
i'm sure you will like him a lot." *puke
"you give me your number. i'll buy a new handphone for you." *puke

"give me your number in case you need my help."
haha and to this i replied,
"you could help me now if you let me go sit elsewhere."
rendered speechless and kept saying sorry.
he didn't do much actually.
beside the harassing, he kept inching closer to me.
and whenever he does that, i'll fidget so he'll move away.
and say sorry again. *rolls eye

before he got off at haw par villa,
he passed me a slip of paper with his mobile number.
obviously i didn't take it.
but thinking it through now, perhaps i should.
so i can call him back using a public phone
and threaten him. hahahaha.

well anyways, i've learnt my lesson.
i will always sit on the outside next time.
but i'm wondering.
why am i so unlucky to attract such people?

2005-10-31T01:14:00.000+08:00

in the midst of my essay.
taking a short break to rest my brains.
but hallelujiah, i think i can finish it in time.

just can't wait for holidays to arrive.
but isn't it ironic how this always happens?
it's like a vicious cycle.
3 months study, holiday, 3 months study, holiday...
to obtain my degree, i need to repeat it for 6 times.
but from another POV, i'm already in year 2.
before i know it, i'm out of school.
and stepping into the frontiers of the working world.
a place i'm absolutely dreading.

then what is there to complain about now?
dang. i'm full of contradictions.

2005-10-30T02:54:00.000+08:00

so happy to meet up with my jc mates.
all because our dear alex is going taiwan.
see how precious you are to us, lex.
spent a bomb at billy bombers.
but the company was really good.
laughing at the little things.
which makes me miss jc days even though it was hell.

but after the bliss,
comes the gloom.

i'm in serious shit.
my brains are so burned from recent weeks.
no mood to do any work at all.
much less write a 2000-word essay due on monday.

seriously pissed.
jay's entire album got leaked online, save for one song.
the assholes think that by buying his album, they have the right to download.
what a whole load of bullshit.
putting the idea of piracy aside,
learn to respect the hard work of a composer singer and his crew.
don't give me that "i'm the consumer, i'm always right" crap.
you're just a self-centred shithead.

2005-10-28T01:30:00.000+08:00

holed up in the reference library today.
the security guard even had to drive me out, ha.

been bogged down by work lately.
so much that i've lost track of time.
only by looking at the wall calender did i realise it was friday already.

with time flying past like that,
i can't help but feel lost.
lost with the flow of time.
lost about the future.

the few shows i watched recently had recurring themes about the future.
3 different people with 3 different problems.

#1 with no goal in life.
didn't need to because he could get anything he wanted.
#2 wondering what she's doing is right.
because she always goes with the flow.
#3 without a direction.
feeling apprehensive and frightened about the future.

it struck me deeply because i'm also doubtful of my future.
i'm more like the unoriented #3.
however the fear gradually made me became like #2.

but there is a difference between me and them.
they managed to solve their problems in the end.

#1 met someone who gave him a goal and a heart to love.
#2 met a group who changed her outlook of life.
#3 went on a journey and found some answers.

will there be that someone/group/journey for me too?
somewhere out there in the big big world?

2005-10-26T12:04:00.000+08:00

rainy season.
there goes my swimming.

was happy to sit beside my eye candy during lecture yesterday.
though i acted like it was nothing. hohoho.

i think i have a penchant for tall guys.
even the tv stars i like are so freaking tall (at least 1.75m).
what's with me? it's not like i'm very tall anyways.

extremely happy today.
because of the 10 hour sleep.
got interested in sudoku lately.
but i suck at it. i take ages to solve one.
sudoku makes really great inflight entertainment.

getting a haircut later.
i always feel that haircuts are so therapeutic.
maybe that's why most people cut their hair after a breakup.

2005-10-24T01:28:00.000+08:00

looking out of place at my cluttered desk.

my yellow sunshine.
i love sunflowers :)

2005-10-23T18:54:00.000+08:00

i wonder what's everyone up to lately.

i'd presume that everyone would be very busy.
so imagine my surprise when jun replied "you never ask me out mah".

ages since i went out to relax.
the last time i ventured into a shopping mall was to pre-order jay's album.
or else it's just rushing deadlines and watching random animes/taiwanese dramas.
i am so boring now.

i'd grow fungus if i stay home any longer.
*coughaskmeoutcough*

anyway i'm watching [惡作劇之吻]/It Started With A Kiss now.
starring Joe Zheng Yuan Chang and Ariel Lin Yi Cheng.

the plot's better than devil beside you, IMO.
well since the original japanese drama was really good, to begin with.
now i finally understand why jane, ser & carrie like Joe.
he's quite a charming one. ^^

2005-10-20T16:25:00.000+08:00

surprised at the new layout?

i'm surprised by myself too.
so short of time and still doing all these trivial things.
i can console myself by saying that i got so pissed with work yesterday that i gave up doing it altogether.
but truth be told, i just lack that motivation.

well, i'm most probably gonna stress myself silly after this.
just take it as somewhat of a retribution.

anyway about the new layout.
ooooh i so love the banner.
it's in conjunction with jay's new song "Nocturne".
my first at blending and css layout.
i'm very pleased with the results :)

this is not my usual practice.
and not what i like to see in other blogs too.
but well, jay rules.

夜曲 | Ye Qu | Nocturne

作词：方文山
Lyricist: Vincent Fang

作曲：周杰伦
Composer: Jay Chou

Translation: Hyde - www.jay-chou.net

一群嗜血的蚂蚁被腐肉所吸引
A crowd of bloodthirsty ants are drawn by rotting flesh
我面无表情看孤独的风景
I watch the lonely scenery with an expressionless face
失去你　爱开始分明
Having lost you, love begins to come clear
失去你　还有什么事好关心
Having lost you, is there anything left to care about
那鸽子不再象征和平
The dove doesn't represent peace any longer
我终于被提醒　捆着手我现在是奴隶
I've finally been reminded, with my hands bound, i am like a slave now
我用漂亮的押韵形容被掠夺一空的爱情
I use beautiful rhymes to describe a love that has been plundered empty

啊我应该藏这里夜色不干净
Ah, I ought to hide here, the color of the night is unclean
还给你整夜的回忆占满天的星
Still [it] gives you a whole night's memories, the star take up the whole sky
送你的白色玫瑰在纯黑的花季凋零
The white rose that [ I ] gave to you has withered in the blooming season of pure darkness
午夜在树枝上诡异的很安静　　
On branches, midnight hangs in a deceitful and strange silence
倾听我黑色的大衣像我的你
Listen closely, my black overcoat is like the you who belonged to me

衣栉比鳞的鬼走过的走过的生命
Ghosts covered side by side like scales, a life that's been walked past, walked past
啊~四周弥漫雾气
Ah, fog fills the air on all four sides
啊~我在空旷的墓地
Ah, I am in an open cemetery
老去后还爱你
[ I will ] still love you after I've aged

为你弹奏萧邦的夜曲
[ I ] play for you Chopin's Nocturne
纪念我死去的爱情
To commemorate this desceased love of mine
跟夜风一样的声音
A sound just like a wind in the night
心碎的很好听
The heart breaks with such a beautiful sound
手在键盘敲钢琴
Hands at the keys, playin the piano
我给的思念太小心
The longing that I gave was too tentative
你埋葬的地方就有你
You are at the location at which you were buried

为你弹奏萧邦的夜曲
[ I ] play for you Chopin's Nocturne
纪念我死去的爱情
To commemorate this desceased love of mine
而我为你隐姓埋名
And for you I've become anonymous
在月光下弹琴
Playing the piano under the moonlight
对你心跳的感应
The response of your heartbeat
还是如此温热清晰
Is still so warm and clear
怀念你那鲜红的唇印
I remember the scarlet imprint of you lips

那些断翅的蜻蜓　散落在这森林
Those dragonflies who have lost their wings, are scattered in this forest
而我的眼睛　没有丝毫同情
And yet my eyes do not show a shred of sympathy
失去你　泪水混浊无情
Having lost you, my tears are murky and emotionless
失去你　我连笑容都有阴影
Having lost you, even my smile holds shadows
我站在满心期待的屋顶
I stand upon the rooftop with a heart full of anticipation
嘲笑我的伤心
Ridiculing my own sadness
像一口没有水的枯井
Like a waterless well
我用尽我的自信
I've exhausted all my self-confidence
要我后悔莫急等待爱情
Telling myself to, while deeply in regret, still await love

2005-10-16T23:24:00.000+08:00

oh lordy.

this pic alone made my jaws dropped about 1 inch.

then this one...

my eyes almost popped out.

i'm gonna happily ogle and wait for my november chopin.
november the first is such a loooong time.

and HAPPY BIRTHDAY to my beloved meijun :)

2005-10-13T01:18:00.000+08:00

narcissism at play.
i know i know. but just let me whine about this.
i'm gonna be disfigured for life!
*whineswhineswhines.

2005-10-13T00:28:00.000+08:00

Happy Birthday Chin.
don't choke on the 20 xiaolongbaos.
*coughchinisapigcough*

2005-10-09T22:44:00.000+08:00

t'was the most embarassing encounter of my life.
well it was both embarassing and painful.

i fainted in the shower room of the swimming complex.
thank god mum went swimming with me.
and i managed to wake up and open the door in time before the lifeguards burst in.
goodness, imagine seeing me lying stark naked on the floor.
brrr... i wouldn't wanna go jalan besar to swim anymore.

so drama-rama right?
it was all my fault. because i didn't eat before i swim.
now i have this really ugly cut above my right eye.
i definitely learnt my lesson.

the vatican collection exhibition ended today!
shucks, i missed it.
and i didn't get to go see xiaomei today too.
*sighs

2005-10-06T22:47:00.000+08:00

phews.
*heaves heavy sign of relief

essay done, finally.
with one load over, i'm off to the next one.
and when the clock struck 17:10 tomorrow, my heart will be breezier.

am really looking forward to the weekends.
this time with A LOT of anticipation.
to finally take a breather, excercise and see beloved xiao mei on sunday.

szeman, i probably can't make it on sunday. sorry.

2005-10-06T15:11:00.000+08:00

vexed. stuck. helpless.
when faced with an incomprehensible essay.
the ideas are there but they just don't seem to fit.
the deadline looms closer despite my struggle for an entire day.
at this point in time, i hate myself for being the perfectionist that i am.
such that if i don't finish this essay in a satisfied manner, i will definitely not start studying for my stats test tomorrow.

oh crap, i so wanna bang my head on the wall right now.

2005-10-03T22:25:00.000+08:00

sudden surge of tags.
but i'm really touched to see them.
thanks chin, szeman, jun and zhuang.

regarding the PMS thingy, i don't see it as so serious.
i just have to learn to keep my feelings in check.
so don't worry about it.

chin, i appreciate you being frank.
sometimes i feel that even though 208 is close, we are not entirely honest with each other.
and i admit that i'm one of those that wimp out.
anyway yes i know i'm being super irritating.
but i can't help feeling vexed with the amount of enquiry smses.

i promise i'll try to change.

my head's exploding at the amount of work this week.
much as i dread going out to work in the near future, i dread school just as much.
how can you possibly like school when you're not happy? when you're not exactly pursuing the things you want in life?
maybe such a mindset is selfish and idealistic.
but i can't stop myself from feeling this way.

*sighs
am i expecting too much?

2005-10-03T02:30:00.000+08:00

october.
exams are looming closer.

i feel like a wretch these couple of days.
will not allow myself to compromise with the excuse of PMS.
but essentially, i let those ill feelings take over.
resulting in my purposeful negligence on eleanor's birthday.
and that poor girl didn't even do anything wrong.

really sorry girl.
i'd promised to celebrate your birthday this year and i broke it yet again.
and in my fit of anger, i had purposefully forgot to send a birthday sms.
thus, HAPPY belated BIRTHDAY my dearest eleanor.

possibly i rejoiced too soon.
i guess, afterall studying in advance is not my forte.
and it never will be.

2005-09-30T00:03:00.000+08:00

B-U-S-Y.

yes, that spells my current status.
and i remain that until my exams are over.
but still, i can (and will) make time for family and friends.

given any situation as such, i will feel like i'm down in the slumps.
this week, however, provided a positive outlook.

for starters, i actually attempted studying in advance.
(i'm so proud of myself, i wanna give myself a huge pat.)

secondly, my JS project has finally taken off.
no more fretting. phew.

thirdly, i found a wondrous read in jane austen's pride and prejudice.
my initial skepticsm disappeared after the first 50 pages.
i never knew i could brave a classic and still love it.

i so love elizabeth bennet's character.
" . . . I could easily forgive his pride, if he had not mortified mine."

2005-09-28T11:46:00.000+08:00

Cirque Du Soleil presents QUIDAM.

the sight of the blue/yellow tents inspired my adrenalin rush.
yay, my first time watching a modern circus troop.
despite the huge amount of investment for the ticket (a whooping $122!), i'm glad i didn't regret it one bit.
though i feel i didn't fully enjoy the show because our location was slightly blocked by a pillar. the stage should have been better structured because the people in the centre would focus on the main act while the people on the sides were blocked by some structures.
to name a few, i enjoyed the diablos, the man in a huge hoop and the comedy act. but at the end of the day, i left feeling confused.

one thing i observed though, was the staggering number of caucasians in attendance.
they even brought their little children along. i bet they must have outnumbered the singaporeans.
which made me draw a conclusion that the arts appreciation culture in singapore is really not there yet. and we have to work much much harder.

HAPPY belated BIRTHAY, BECKY.

and HAPPY BIRTHDAY, HONG XUAN!

2005-09-22T18:03:00.000+08:00

i should give myself a hard whack.

why?
in short, i wasted my entire mid term break.
the only productive work for 4 days - 2 webcasts.
(what a shameless amount of work)

the weeks ahead are gonna be very busy.
and i knew it all along.

i'm truly a shithead.
i'm just someone who needs to learn the hard way.
over and over again.

who knows, maybe it ain't such a bad thing afterall.
for me to fare badly this time.
it'll serve as a good jolt back to reality.

2005-09-22T00:59:00.000+08:00

watching honey&clover reminds me of what takemoto said in one earlier episode.

"sono toki boku wa, toutotsu dakedo shizuka ni minna de sugosu kurisumasu wa. kore ga saigo nano da to kanjita.
"at that moment, i abruptly realized that this was the last christmas that we'd get to spend quietly together.

soshite boku wa, mabataki wo kurikaesu.
and I keep blinking.

maru de.....shatta wo kiru you ni. kokoro no dokoka ni yakisukeba ii to.
like snapping the shutter of a camera, wishing to imprint this moment somewhere in my heart.

amai keeki no nioi to minna no warai koe no naka de."
admist the sweet scent of the cake and everyone's laughter."

and it never fails to make me sad.
i cannot imagine the day when everyone moves on and go their separate ways.
i know that will eventually happen but it's just the human nature to cling on to what you had.
perhaps the best thing to do is to treasure the time now.
so that when the parting comes, you'll be left with memories (be it good or bad).

2005-09-21T01:08:00.000+08:00

"Does it hurt more
not knowing what you want,

or does it hurt more
knowing what you want and yet can't achieve it?"

2005-09-15T02:39:00.000+08:00

i've uploaded my photos to webshots since stupid imagestation deleted my photos (without my permission, grr).
you can view them under digital memories.
just to let everyone know since i think hardly anyone notices the slight changes in the left hand menu.
i'll be uploading more photos later when i have the time.

2005-09-14T22:39:00.000+08:00

i'm someone with short-lived passion.
you know like the chinese saying "san fen zhong re du"?
(loosely translated as 3-min passion)

i will get immensely crazy over some object of obsession for a while.
my passion dies off in a matter of weeks, months and a little over a few years.

i'm trying to prove myself wrong with the following:

swimming love >>> 7-8 months
jay love >>> 3 years.
piano love >>> 4 years.
japan love >>> 5-6 years.
egypt love >>> 6 years.

that is why i admire people with really strong ambitions.
and of course, people who already know their goal in life.
honestly because i'm someone who doesn't have one, that is why i find it so hard to study hard.
passive people always need a nudge to move a step forward.

which reminds me.
i need to go finish up my overdued deadlines... sighs.